Enjoying this moment.

That’s him. My sweet little guy.

Only eighty days until I get to hold him in my arms and snuggle him up. The time is moving so fast and yet still so slow. Everyone here is anxious for him to be born. My daughter especially. She has so many plans for the two of them. What cartoons she’ll introduce him to. The lessons she wants to teach him. Her heart is filled with so much love for him and they’ve never even met. It’s such a magical, beautiful thing to witness. She kisses my tummy and tells her little brother that she can’t wait to give him hugs. She says she’s waiting patiently for him and that she’ll be here when he decides it’s time to come out.

I love it. It makes my heart melt. At first my husband and I were worried because for so long now she’s been the only one. The only grandchild, the only little one, the only niece. She hasn’t had to “compete” with anyone for love and attention. She got it all. I was concerned that she’d feel left out, abandoned maybe, and I think she did at first. Then I explained to her all the cool things older siblings get to do. My husband, being the oldest, really glamorized the whole thing. Soon after she was team baby all the way. Now she’s counting down the days right along with me. It’s precious.

The other day she asked if she was going to have more brothers and sisters one day. Something my husband and I have discussed but never with her. Our thoughts were that after this little peanut I would not be having any more children. It was a difficult decision to come to but my husband and I agreed that my health and wellness played a huge role in whether more children would be an option. As I get older my risk for complications becomes greater, especially with diabetes on board. Living with this disease doesn’t get easier by any means. I examined the pros and cons of having another baby one day and came to the conclusion that not only could I be potentially putting myself in danger, I’d be putting a little life in danger, too.

I realized that I have so much to be thankful for, why risk losing what I have now. I have spoken with quite a few diabetic mommies who feel the way that I do. It’s nice to know that I am not alone in this decision. Not that I am against someone who wants to have lots of babies. I just know my body. How I re-cooperate. Only I know how this pregnancy has treated me and I am so worn down already. I don’t think I could handle going through another one. Not just physically, but emotionally, too. I lay awake all night stressing about blood sugars, what I ate, or didn’t eat. If he’s growing properly in there. If a complication were to arise would it be my fault? All these things run through my head and it’s draining.

This decision is the main reason why I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and everything it entails. The kicks and barrel rolls, the ultrasounds, even the heartburn. Because it’s going to be my last.

So when my daughter looked up at me with an eagerness to hear my answer I just smiled and said that two was enough for me. She hugged on me real tight and smiled this big grin and said, yeah, two is plenty. Plus, you still have to take care of daddy. :)

For any of you pregnant and diabetic mommies out there..what are your thoughts on this topic?


One thought on “Enjoying this moment.

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