Waking up thankful.

Morning sunrise

There are normally a ton of things I am thinking about, stressing and worrying over. Especially when it comes to living with type one diabetes. Every day is an adventure. When I roll the dice today will I get good numbers? Will the diabetes monster stay in it’s cage so that I can enjoy the warm weather? With this pregnancy added into the mix you can imagine the sort of jumbled mess I have become. Which is why my attempt at DBlogWeek this year was sort of a failure. Which is why I haven’t been blogging as much as I would like, or keeping up with my social media family. I have been so bogged down with worry and stress that I haven’t been able to enjoy myself or this pregnancy yet. Then I thought about it, like really thought about it, and I figured it all out..

If I continue to care for my diabetes and do everything I know I have to then there isn’t much to worry about. Why be so concerned with the “what ifs” if they haven’t even happened. This morning I took a deep breath and let all that negativity go. I inhaled all the positive energy and exhaled anything that would bring me down.

This morning I woke up thankful and a little less stressed out about things going on right now.

I’m thankful for my Dexcom that alarmed me this morning, and many other times, that my blood sugar was getting dangerously low. I was able to act quickly and get my numbers back in range with little to no side affects.

I’m thankful for my Omnipod that delivers insulin to me through out the whole day. If I’m not eating something I don’t even have to think about it. The job is getting done and I appreciate that. Recently I had to go a few days with out the pump and only fast acting insulin because my insurance was being crabby. I realize that this tiny little device deserves a lot more credit.

I’m thankful for my wonderful husband who lets me sleep in while he gets out daughter up and ready for school.

I’m thankful for the little naps I am able to take through out the day because my daughter understands that growing a baby, and managing diabetes, kind of wears mommy out some times.

I’m thankful for the conversations I have with other expecting type one mommy’s that put my fears at ease.

Every once in awhile I need a little reminder that everything is going to be fine.

I need to remember to always focus on the good and that it’s okay to worry about the craziness once we cross that bridge. Instead I am going to focus on the end of Kindergarten coming up on Tuesday and how I can’t wait to celebrate that accomplishment with my daughter. I am going to continue to plan an awesome summer staycation for this little family filled with zoo trips, bowling, picnics, fireworks, and everything in between. I am going to continue to wake up thankful because that is much better for the soul than waking up a hot mess all the time.

It’s not thanksgiving but you can still be thankful. What are you thankful for today?

And as always..

Smile, because why not?

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#DBlogWeek: My Mantra.

So this was for yesterday. It appears I am behind but still floating.

Day four of diabetes blog week was the 15th. Don’t know what Diabetes blog week is? Head on over to Karen’s blog at BitterSweetDiabetes. There you’ll find all you need to know plus the topics, participants, and entry lists.

Here’s The Prompt: Yesterday we opened up about how diabetes can bring us down. Today let’s share what gets us through a hard day.  Or more specifically, a hard diabetes day.  Is there something positive you tell yourself?  Are there mantras that you fall back on to get you through?  Is there something specific you do when your mood needs a boost?  Maybe we’ve done that and we can help others do it too? (Thanks to Meri of Our Diabetic Life for suggesting this topic.)

First and foremost I’d like to say that I think it is perfectly alright to admit that yes, we all have those days. Those diabetes days where we would rather stay in bed with the covers over our heads. Days where it all seems like too much.

To get me out of those funks I rely on my family a lot. My husband and my little girl are great at reminding me that it’s not so bad. I try very hard to be a positive and optimistic person. Whether that be in my relationships, work, or health. I like to look on the brighter side of things. When a day comes that I start to feel a bit down and depressed about any given thing I look at this quote.

I think it pertains a lot to diabetes and how I view my life with it. Everyday is an opportunity to learn and grow from situations. If all we did was look at the negative we’d miss out on all the good, all the beauty, all the happiness we could have.

Another simple thing I like to remind myself to do is SMILE. Always smile. When the days are long and tiresome, just smile. I end a lot of my posts with that line. Smile, there’s always a reason to. Because it’s true. I might have diabetes but I smile because I have the tools to care for myself. I smile because I have people who love me. I smile because even when my blood sugars stink, tomorrow is a new day and I plan on taking full advantage of that. I smile because sometimes that’s all you can do.

These are the things that help me climb out of those funks.

Bad days happen, they just don’t last long.

#DBlogWeek: Mental Health.

Welcome to day three of Diabetes Blog Week..

If you aren’t sure what Diabetes Blog Week is, or if you’d like to participate, it’s never too late, then head on over to Karen’s blog BitterSweetDiabetes. There you’ll find all the info you need.

Here’s the prompt: May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? (Thanks go out to Scott of Strangely Diabetic for coordinating this topic.)

Diabetes is a terribly draining and exhausting disease. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. You are demanded to perform tasks on a daily basis in order to survive. If you neglect these tasks, well, the end result will not be a pretty one. I wasn’t given a choice and I was never asked. It was plopped in my lap and all of a sudden I was expected to do what I had to do. Of course I cooperate because we all strive to be happy, healthy individuals but that doesn’t mean some days I don’t want to forget about blood sugar checks, and insulin doses, eat without worry, and sleep without fear.

It’s hard to admit that there are things out there that cause our mental health to be shaken. I’ll say it though. Diabetes wears on me. The other day my husband and I were watching some junk television when a commercial came on about taking a vacation, traveling to some far off paradise. I thought, one day, wouldn’t that be fantastic. Then it dawned on me..yes, soaking up the sun on some paradise island would be amazing but I wouldn’t be able to leave every care behind. NO, I’d still have to lug around diabetes. The middle of the nights during my romantic Caribbean cruise would still be filled with finger sticks, bloody finger tips, juice boxes to aid those shaky, delirious lows, insulin to cover those stomach churning highs, and a husband who wouldn’t be able to sleep comfortably because his every other thought would be about me.

Those are the type of things that attempt to attack my mental health. My emotional stability. Knowing that this disease doesn’t just weigh on me. I’d be fine if it were just on my shoulders, but it’s not. It is draining for my husband, and my daughter, who have to watch me scramble for insulin vials, or struggle to chug juice boxes in my foggy state. I worry about waking up from an extreme low but so does my husband. As he hovers over me and my dexcom every night making sure I am in range. It’s incredibly frustrating to seem so “normal” all while having this battle within my body. Life is overwhelming with diabetes on board because there are so many different factors that play a role in your well being and things can change up on you at any moment.

Nothing is standard and there isn’t an instruction manual.

I am pushed to my limit with stress. My mental health is being tested every day.

How do I cope?

I smile. I hope. I stay positive. That’s all you can do. I continue to do my best with every situation. There is no point in feeling sorry for oneself, or wallowing in sadness, because life goes on. In spite of all the extra steps I have to take to get through any given day there are still amazing moments that stand out far more. Those things keep me glued together. Remembering that yes, my life is tedious, yes, my life is filled with doctors appointments, yes, my life is filled to the brim with medications that keep me alive, but it is also filled with laughter, and sweet kisses from my daughter. It is filled with long phone calls with my sister, and silly faced pictures with my husband. Baseball games, and bowling, ice cream sundaes eaten every day BUT Sunday. (Because I can have sweets sometimes!) Catching fireflies with my daughter.

All of those good times can not be brought down by silly diabetes.

That’s how I cope.

By remembering what really matters.

 

#DBlogWeek: Remember when.

This is my second year participating in Diabetes blog week. I missed out on yesterdays prompt but may revisit the topic later this week. With pregnancy and maintaining the diabetes monster I have been quite busy. I am hoping to be involved this year though and hope to be able to read each and every one of your posts. If you don’t know what diabetes blog week is check out Karen’s Blog at BitterSweetDiabetes. There you’ll find all the information you need. :)

The Prompt for Today:
This year, Diabetes Blog Week and TuDiabetes are teaming up to bring out the poet in you! Write a poem, rhyme, ballad, haiku, or any other form of poetry about diabetes. After you’ve posted it on your blog, share it on the No Sugar Added® Poetry page on TuDiabetes, and read what others have shared there as well!

 

Here’s my poem:

Swollen fingers ache while blood stains are left behind.

Numbers dance around my head like sugar plum fairies.

Sugar free fairies.

Insulin drips from my pores.

I feel like this is all that I am now.

A pin cushion of shame.

No one really understanding the highs and the lows.

Constant worry and fear consume me.

Restless nights full of testing and retesting.

 

But I remember when the nights were meant for sleeping

and the days were carefree

when my finger tips hadn’t been viciously stabbed

when I was me

and diabetes was just a word.

 

 

Thunderstorms.

Whether you look at the chaos of a storm symbolically or not the truth is life and thunderstorms can be scary. What matters is how we come out of the ordeal.

The idea for this post came from my daughter.

Late last night the earth shattering boom of thunder work her up and caused her to scramble into my room. My husband knowing the drill all too well shifted to his side while I shifted to mine making room for her to snuggle right between us. He kissed her forehead and whispered calming words. She grabbed for my hand and I hugged her. With every lightening strike I could hear her counting, one Mississippi, two Mississippi..then the loud roar of thunder would echo. She’d jump. Shut her eyes tight and begin counting again at every flash that lit up our room.

My husband taught her to count the seconds in between the lightening and thunder so you know if the storm is getting closer or further away. She does it every time. I feel terrible because while I am sitting there trying to convince her that there is nothing to be afraid of I can feel my heart beat speed up with each crackle in the sky.

She’s nervous, no, frightened, and for good reason.

A few years back there was a terrible thunderstorm that had brought about a tornado. Like I do any time there is a watch/warning I turn on the news, get the flash lights, make sure everyone is dressed and ready to head to the shelter, grab my cell phone and try to listen for the sirens. My husband was at work and it was just the two of us. Alone in our town home. The weather man had broken in to say that there had been a tornado sighted. It touched down. People should remain calm and find safety now. I phoned my husband as I put my daughters jacket on. I hadn’t heard sirens yet but we were getting prepared. All of a sudden, within the blink of an eye, the weather man alerted the viewers where the tornado was..it was right up the street from us. Just then the power goes out..I’m startled and panicked. Before I know it there is golf ball sized hail raining down. In a split second I make the decision that it would be too dangerous to run outside with her..in the main apartment building that our town home was attached to was a basement/tornado shelter…instead I swoop her up and run for the laundry room. The doors closed tight. It was located in the middle of our home. It was where my husband urged us to go in case of an emergency like that. As she cried and begged me to tell her what was going on we could hear the wind howling, it was angry, it was ferocious. The hail beat down on the roof, it sounded like rocks being shattered against pavement.

You couldn’t hear a thing right in front of you and yet some how the eerie cry of the sirens bellowed in our ears..

I tried calling my husband with no answer. I hugged her and told her that everything would be just fine. My voice was shaking as I choked on my own words. I tried to keep a brave face for what felt like an eternity. As quick as the chaos had come it was gone and over with. The power flickered but eventually came back on and my husbands face lit up my cell phones screen. I answered to let him know that we were fine. Everything was fine.

Except, everything wasn’t fine. Because deep down inside my daughter had discovered what fear was. Not the surprise of finding a spider in your shoe, or when someone pops out from around a corner and startles you..no, true fear. Now my daughter can’t even breathe when the power goes out which happens occasionally with a storm. She panics and timidly asks if the light sprinkles of rain are going to be a thunder storm or a tornado. This leaves me feeling helpless. I know that I am supposed to teach her to be strong, brave, and courageous..but sometimes even I get scared.

Sometimes a lot of us get scared.

And maybe that isn’t such a bad thing to embrace once in while. Fear is what changes your mind about stepping out in front of those cars, fear of complications is what keeps me maintaining healthy blood sugars, fear of skin cancer is what makes you lather yourself up in sunscreen. Fear and bravery go hand in hand.

One doesn’t make you better than the other.

They both make you human.

People think it’s a sign of weakness to admit that you are afraid of this or that. I don’t think it’s weakness at all. In fact I think it’s very brave, and courageous, and strong of an individual to be able to admit fear. The fact that you can still move forward in spite of some fears makes you braver and stronger than you think. Those are the lessons I hope to teach my daughter and the baby bean. That it’s okay to be afraid of things just as long as you can still keep going.

I hope that one day she’ll grow out of this, she’ll learn that sometimes we can’t control what the weather, or life, will throw at us but that we can control how we view it. Sometimes things get scary but sometimes life can be beautiful. Embrace every moment and learn from them, too. There are still things that I am afraid of, I’ve just learned to approach them differently.

What are you afraid of?