Words to remember.

 

 

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You’re my hero.

I give a lot of credit to diabetics everywhere. I myself am type one, so I know on a daily basis what it feels like to go through all the ups and downs. The feeling of loneliness, sadness, and frustration when it comes to caring for my diabetes personally. I also know what it feels like to be happy, and excited when diabetes decides to play nice. So I cheer each and every one of you on, type one, type two, and all the other sweet diabetics out there. Because I understand the battle.

What I have neglected to do is cheer on you wonderful, amazing caregivers.

The loved ones who surround us and try with every ounce of their being to “get” what we are going through. Who try so very hard to understand and care for us. Even when we are difficult, even when we are going through that dreaded burn out. They are right along side us wanting to punch diabetes in the face too.

So, this one goes out to every mom, dad, husband, wife, grandparent, and everyone in between who has cared for someone with diabetes. To all you amazing, loving individuals who stay up late at night worrying and stressing over blood sugar numbers and bolus/basal rates. To every one of you who handles our moodiness with grace, because we can be difficult sometimes, to every one of you who has cried over why this even had to happen..THANK YOU!

Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for helping to figure out carbs, but also understanding that sometimes we just want to splurge. Thank you for spending your every dollar so that we can have the type of care, tools, and devices, we need to manage this finicky disease. Thank you for not getting upset with us when we get angry at ourselves, at you, at the whole world. The strain this disease puts on us, mentally, emotionally, and physically is a constant factor. We lash out, not because we don’t love and appreciate you, but because we’re scared. We try our hardest to do what we’re supposed to do and sometimes it takes a toll on us. That doesn’t mean we don’t see everything you do for us.

To my husband who has been the main recipient of my angry diabetes rants and frustrations. Thank you for listening and not judging me. Thank you for wiping away the tears and encouraging me to keep at my diabetes management. Thank you for researching and reading up on all the diabetes jargon. For showing me all the news articles about this discovery and that one. I know that you are hoping, wishing, for a cure just as bad as I am some days.

Thank you for checking my sugar for me when I am too sleepy, or in a high/low trance.

Thank you to each and every one of you who have walked, raised money, advocated, and all around love us.

We love you and appreciate every thing you do.

YOU are my hero.

Do what you love.

Smile

by Nat King Cole

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through, for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

This song speaks volumes to me, and about me, I have always put on a happy face. When life got tough, and then tougher, I smiled through it. Don’t get me wrong. Tears have been shed. Hearts have been broken. Words have cut deeper than knives could. Yet here I am, still standing, still learning that I can be am strong.

Here’s a  little segment called Things that I love. 

Really, things that keep me going.

Keep me motivated. Keep me thankful for each bright new day.

Things that keep me smiling.

  • My daughters laughter, just like her smile, it’s contagious. When she bursts out with this rumble of a laugh or giggle you’ll always find yourself laughing to. And I love that. I’m very lucky to be her mommy.
  • Even though I could do without the freezing weather there is something about that cold, crisp, air nipping at your face. It wakes you up. It makes you feel alive. The crushed snow upon your fingertips remind you that it is okay to investigate with child like interest every little thing. The world is ready to be explored.
  • Warm blankets right out of the dryer. It’s simply heaven on a very cold evening to toss those blankets in for a moment and then wrap yourself up in them. It’s like a bear hug. :)
  • That smile my husband will send me from across a room. That look he gives me when our eyes meet. It’s like falling in love all over again. Sometimes with the hustle and bustle of life we can forget how young we still are. How it’s okay to be silly, love struck, youngsters with all our hopes and dreams waiting for us.
  • Long talks on the phone with my sister. Even in the distance. We connect. We laugh. We make memories. I’m the little sister who has yearned to be on her level. To be viewed as an equal and not just the baby of the family. I’m finally there and I can finally say that she is truly my best friend.
  • Random texts from my niece remind me that I am still remembered. I like to do the same. It’s nice to let others know, even if it’s a quick moment, that you are still in their hearts.

I think it’s so important to remember all the things that make you happy. That make you smile. It’s so easy to forget what really matters when there are bills to be paid and jobs to get done. Laundry and cleaning, doctors appointments and health issues, I mean the list goes on. Which is why I decided to write this list instead. Because I’d rather be happy than miserable. NO, it doesn’t change the fact that there will always be a lot on our plates sometimes but it’s the perfect motivation to keep on going. Those little moments in between all the chaos that remind us that we are human and deserve to laugh, and giggle, and make messes that don’t need to be cleaned up right away.

Don’t hate Monday, don’t hate any day.

Try to enjoy the opportunities we are given to live.

Smile, there’s always a reason to.

It happens.

According to Dex. I was HIGH. Way up passed the 400’s. It was a miserable time getting it back to normal. When it finally came down, I felt even worse. Go figure.

This was me a few nights ago.

Not the best, I’d say. In fact since my last pod change my numbers have been horrendous. Not sure if the site I picked out on my arm just has lousy absorption or what but I have been very frustrated. At first with myself. When something goes “wrong” with my diabetes I am quick to blame, well, me. I am quick to say that it must have been something I did. Or didn’t do. It’s terrible and I am trying to break myself of this because guess what? It isn’t always me. Sometimes, it’s the insulin. Sometimes it’s a crappy site. Sometimes these tools that we so heavily rely on forget what their jobs are and take on a life of their own.

Sometimes it’s just one of those days.

For this particular day I corrected, and corrected, and then corrected again. I took deep breaths and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t me. I decided to shrug it off and push forward. Days like this happen, they will always happen, just hopefully not too close together. I will have marvelous days filled with moments of triumph and I will have days where I wish I could actually punch this disease square in it’s face.

I wish I could break up with diabetes. That clingy boyfriend that can’t do anything on his own. That annoying little creep that stalks your Facebook page. I mean, I can associate diabetes with so many things that are terrible. At the end of the day, however, it is still something that I have to live with. SO, when days like this occur, and I have done all that I can, I just say..it happens.

Then, I move on.

Today has been slightly better but not by much. Tomorrow is a new day I will not predict. Instead I will just hope it goes smoothly. I think I deserve some smooth days every once in awhile.

If I continue to fight, and push, and live..if I continue doing everything I need to do..then I am beating diabetes. I am showing diabetes who is boss. Because I will not be defeated. I will not be broken.

Own it or be owned.

Setting Goals.

Side Note: I have to admit that this post was sparked by the Wednesday night #dsma tweet chat on Twitter. If you aren’t sure what that is..it’s a weekly chat, with some amazing moderators, where people with diabetes can discuss..well, diabetes. The ups, the downs, the in between. If you don’t have a twitter consider getting into it. Being apart of this has been truly life changing in terms of how I view diabetes and my life with it. Everyone is so friendly too.

With a new year come the hopes and dreams of new beginnings. Starting over. Starting fresh. It’s a wonderful incentive, really. People make resolutions all the time but by the end of that year they are beating themselves up for not following through with this or that. The cycle is never ending.

I personally try not to make resolutions anymore. I learned a very long time ago that life happens and for whatever reason certain goals/resolutions wont always be met.

The disappointment I felt time and time again was a lot to endure. I mean I set out with so much optimism and then I wind up wishing I’d never made those “goals” in the first place. So..instead of setting these unmanageable goals or resolutions and getting upset I tell myself that it’s great to strive for success. To never want to be stagnant. It’s not okay to put myself down for not achieving this or that. It’s all about taking baby steps. And rewarding myself for each baby step conquered.

That’s the key: It’s perfectly acceptable to reward yourself with a little something. For the ladies, a new purse, or pair of shoes..for you fellas..well, you can get whatever it is you like too. :) Rewards are nice because sometimes it takes a lot of effort to meet a particular goal. A reward says, “Hey, you did it! Keep at it!”

That makes me want to keep pushing forward. Knowing that the hard work doesn’t go unseen. At least not by me.

Set goals.

Ones that will make you feel good about you and who you are. Make them obtainable. Or, if you like those long term, kind of out of reach, but still possible goals..just remember that you aren’t a bad person/loser for not being able to check that off the list. Maybe all you need to do is step back, access the situation, and then try, try again.

I look at every moment in life as an opportunity to challenge myself, better myself, and conquer fears. And if for some reason I get set back, knocked down, or whatever..I remind myself to just make lemonade. :)

Don’t forget to smile. There’s always a reason to.

My electronic pancreas.

This is my life. Everything I need to know to keep myself healthy is featured on these little devices. I feel naked with out them by my side. At the end of the day I have an electronic pancreas. The Omnipod delivers insulin. The Dexcom, which I have dubbed Dex Shepherd, tells me where my blood sugar is sitting.

Kind of neat, right?

I laughed the other day when I showed my daughter where the pod and sensors were, they were placed on my stomach, and she began yelling, “Robot Stomach!!” And then hugged me and said I was cute. Um, thanks?!

I do love that she will check my blood sugar for me, which just involves pushing the dexcom button, then cheers me on when I am in range. She’s an awesome little helper. Next I’ll show her how to bolus for me.

Overall this has been a very pleasant experience. Minus the insurance woes. That’s a story for another day though.

I leave you with this..

“The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth.”

This helps me get through the days when I don’t feel like being diabetic anymore.

Anniversaries and things..

I’d like to start off with a big ol’ HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I truly hope 2014 treats each and every one of you well.

Sending happiness and joy to you throughout the year.

I also hope you all had happy holidays.

Now on to business..

2013 started off, almost, like any other year. By the end, however, I was pleasantly surprised. There is so much going on that it’s difficult to form coherent sentences. So lets start off small..

  • On December 30th my husband and I celebrated another year together. It’s been such a fantastic journey, seven years total, with him by my side. We have been through so much. He is definitely my rock. We stood low key this year. There has been so much going on that all we really wanted was a moment to breathe. He did get me a very beautiful card though.
  • January 1st I celebrated eight years of diabetes under my belt. Until I came across the DOC (Diabetes Online Community) I didn’t think that diaversaries were a thing. Why would I want to “celebrate” such a horrible day. Then I started looking at it as more of a badge of honor. My life changed forever but it wasn’t ruined. It wasn’t over. A new chapter began. I am still alive, still being awesome, still succeeding in everything that people said I couldn’t because diabetes would hold me back. Eight years down and many more to go. Cause that’s what fighters do. They keep moving forward.
  • Come February 1st we will indeed be moving into a much better place. No leaky roofs. No nonsense. Plenty of space for this growing family. Which will be fantastic. We’ve already begun the packing process which keeps my mild OCD on it’s toes. I am trying not to freak out with the boxes and the clutter every where. I just keep telling myself that it’s all worth it. :)
  • I mentioned that I had started working. Just a seasonal position at my local Target. I was expecting to be let go once the busy season calmed down. Then I heard the most amazing news last week..they are keeping me. Yes, I am now a permanent team member and this is very exciting. With all my new diabetes gadgets I needed to be able to pay for the extras and now I can. Also, it has been such a fun experience working again and I am so happy I took that leap. I really enjoy being out and social. It’s who I am. My coworkers are great too.

What else..?

  • Well, now I can discuss my Omnipod/Dexcom adventure. It’s been phenomenal. I went from not really wanting to change my regimen to wishing I had done this years ago. The Dex is nice because during the times I can’t do a finger check I still know where I am, for the most part. Some people have mentioned how inaccurate it can be. For me, it’s been very spot on. That has been a relief when I am running around work and can’t get to the back to check. The Omnipod, well, that has been a true blessing. Being able to just bolus on the spot whenever I need to, without all the needles, vials, and weird stares has been incredible. I feel so much more confident. Another plus. with this dual system I haven’t been low once. The highs on the other hand have been more than I would like but I know that once I get this system fine tuned it’ll be smooth sailing from here on out. I am excited about all of this!
  • Work, as I mentioned, has been better because now I can focus more on work and less on when I can check my sugar or take insulin. Over all I am very happy with my decision to use these devices.

So far 2014 has been great. There have been a few, minor, bumps and what not but I can’t complain. That’s how life works. If everything were smooth 100% of the time I think things would get rather boring. I like surprises..once in awhile. Ha.

I’m hoping that once things settle down, probably in March sometime, I will really be able to blog.

Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me in this journey of insulin pumps and what not. All your kind words and messages mean so much to me. I appreciate you all taking the time to remember me.

Take care. And don’t forget to smile..there’s always a reason to.