Pick a day. Any day.

With type one diabetes I have found that the best way to combat some of the ups and downs is to find others like you. Birds of a feather flock together..something along those lines. I joined quite a few groups online, through Facebook and twitter, that allow me the ability to vent and be as expressive as I want about this annoying disease.

Sometimes I am a quiet lurker while other days you’ll find me rambling away.

In any case..

I came across a question that really stood out and I thought I’d share it here.

It went something like this, “If you could choose one day, a whole 24 hours, to be diabetes free..what day would you choose?”

Seems simple, or maybe it seems way too complex to even comprehend.

For me it’s a little of both. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes at the age of eighteen. Coming into my own and then suddenly feeling very vulnerable. It wasn’t fun. So, for the most part, I remember the days of not giving a damn about anything when I consumed food/drinks. Other then, is this cooked right? Can I have extra ice? These days I feel as though the memories of what used to be are fading rapidly because my days are laid out much different than they ever were before.

I am now getting to a point where diabetes has become a shadow that creeps around every corner. It’s always going to be there, whether I like it or not. So, I reminisce about those non-diabetic days and I think, well, what day would I pick?

Would I go back in time and pick a monumental day? Or would I pick a day that hasn’t happened yet?

My next birthday? A holiday perhaps, I used to love Thanksgiving before the D monster hit..maybe, Christmas? Or a random day on the calendar. I’d lay all the days out and close my eyes, twirl in a circle, and then lay my fingertip on one random day. A day I could just do whatever I wanted and not have a worry in the world.

Then it hit me, I figured it out, it’s fantastic.

If I could actually have this one day to be diabetes free, if for some reason this was even remotely possible..I’d pick my daughters wedding day! It hasn’t happened yet, and it wont for awhile, but oh wouldn’t that be just the best thing ever to happen. Just think about it. The day would truly be all about her. Not if I am alright, if my sugars are acting up, if I need to eat something, take insulin or not..no, none of that would matter. Only her, and making sure that day is perfect.

I tear up thinking about it because I know that this disease has affected her, and will continue to affect her, in more ways then one. When I am down for the count and suffering through a bad high or low, she is there wanting to help, saddened that I am going through this. She hugs me and holds my face and whispers wishes of a cure for me. These moments break my heart and so if I could be free of the shackles for one day it’d be on her special day.

Where everything magical is supposed to happen and you aren’t supposed to worry about moms silly diabetes.

What day would you choose?

Would you pick a day in the future? Maybe go back in time?

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Mom moments.

Through out the day I have a lot of “Mom moments” where something my daughter does/says will send me into a whirlwind of deep, philosophical  thoughts. Okay, I’m being a bit dramatic there. Mostly I find myself overly sentimental when a milestone in her life has been met. Here’s an example..

Over the weekend my five year old lost her first baby tooth.

Which got me thinking..

This is a first she can never relive. It’s a magical moment in the beginning steps to becoming a “big” kid, a teenager, and then an adult. Currently she is learning to ride a bike, without training wheels, she is learning to tie her shoes solo, she is experiencing all sorts of firsts and I hope everyday they are as memorable for her as they are for me. Last night the tooth fairy came bringing with her gifts and in return snatching up the baby tooth. My daughter woke up so beyond excited.

I smiled with joy at a job well done by her dad and I.

We go above and beyond to ensure that she is cared for, loved, and shown that we always have her best interest in mind.

Soon she’ll be a teenager experiencing her first crush, her first true love, and yes, even her first heartbreak. There are so many firsts that have me excited and nervous for the future. As a parent you can only hope you did a great job at instilling morals/values. I hope she doesn’t make the same mistakes I did. I hope she realizes when I tell her no to this, or that, it is only because I love her and want what’s best for her. I want to be her parent first and a friend second, I hope I never become an enemy. A role I will except, however, if it means she is safe and sound. At the end of all this I just don’t want to have the kind of relationship with her that I had with my folks. I never felt comfortable talking with them about anything. I need her to know that even if she thinks I’ll be upset she can come to me with everything. I will always be a shoulder to lean on.

I know..all this from one lost tooth..

The thing is ..it doesn’t slow down from here. Time flies and before I know it she’ll be off raising her own children. We are here in a moment and then gone. So I plan to make every little second count. Whether I am exhausted from low/high blood sugars or not I will sit with her and color, run up and down hallways screaming, laugh and dance to silly music, snuggle up and watch her favorite movie 50 million times in a row. All of it. Because once this stage in her life is over we can never get it back.

There are no do-overs.

One fallen baby tooth.

So many more firsts to come. I am so excited for this journey with her.

Important questions.

Why do you write?

Why did you start this blog?

These might seem like such simple questions, to me, they aren’t. I’ve given each one of these quite a bit of thought. I based my whole life and college career around the fact that I love to write. I am beyond passionate about being able to paint pictures with mere words. Since I was very young I have used writing and reading as a means of escape. Childhood was not ideal but it wasn’t always an unpleasant experience. When times were rough I knew that I could create a world of happiness and peace of mind. A world filled with laughter and love. All I had to do was sit with ink and paper and create it.

I dabbled a bit with poetry. The normal mellow dramatic teen angst oozed from the pages. Feelings of loneliness and entrapment by the parental units who were portrayed as evil villains, of course.

Then I grew up and so did my writing. Soon love and romance were taking center stage of everything I wrote. In high school I would wear my heart on my sleeve and woven into every word about prince charming were my actual hopes and dreams of one day finding the love of my life.

Poems took a back seat and I started writing short stories. Then I discovered a fascination with journalism. I wanted to write but I wanted to write the facts. I never wanted to sugar coat anything. The truth can be even more powerful than a make believe world. I just wanted to write beautifully. And be appreciated for my insight. The journey has been a long one and the truth is I am still finding my way. So when people ask me why I like to write, or why I started this blog, the simple answer is because writing is me. It’s what I am.

I blog because it gives me the opportunity to share my experiences with others who may or may not be able to relate. I write now for the very same reason I have always decided to write because it is my way of communicating what I can not always put into actual words. My bout of writers block has had me very down lately. If I can’t keep up with my own demands how will I keep up with the hustle and bustle of a work load. All I’ve ever wanted to do was write. Not for the fortune and fame, but because I enjoy it. If I stop enjoying something I’ve always been so passionate about then who am I? What am I doing here?

I need to get back into writing for me and not for any other reason. I need to throw every thing conventional out of the window and just get down to the basics. Writing. About whatever I want. Because I enjoy it.

This blog was a means for me to get out the frustrations of being diabetic. A way to show that I am not ashamed of this part of my life. And then it slowly started taking over. Which hasn’t been all bad. I think now that I have found myself on solid ground it is perfectly alright to expand. I am diabetic, yes, but I am also a writer, and a lover of all things beautiful. I am a mother, a wife, and always a hopeless romantic. Topics I shouldn’t shy away from.

Wow, this whole thing took a weird turn but I am liking where I ended up.

Guess all I had to do was write it out.

If you stuck through the babbling and have come to the end of this with me then I thank you.

There are great things to come and I can’t wait to share them with you all.

Writers block.

I have only had this blog since April, or maybe May, and it has been the best in terms of getting out frustrations, or even triumphs, with diabetes. Lately, however, I have found myself stuck in this lull. I really don’t know what to write about anymore. I assume, though I know a person shouldn’t, that a lot of writers/bloggers go through something like this. You feel as though you’ve covered all the topics possible. That there isn’t one thing you could go over that either hasn’t been done or would even be remotely interesting…

Well, that’s where I am.

I have a few saved drafts of things I have tried writing. Set aside to be finished at a later date, but even those just seem like shallow complaints about this or that. Hurt feelings over misinterpreted words. Personally, I feel as though they are not worth posting now.

So here I am. Just writing to write. Because I miss it and I love it. It’s been about a week and a half since my last post. I felt it was time to come up with something and still I can not. How do you all do it? Those of you with 100’s of posts. Where do you get your inspiration? I feel as though locking myself into a strictly diabetic blog might have been a downfall. There are other factors in my life that have absolutely nothing to do with diabetes. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter..and all of these titles come with frustrations/joys of their own. Perhaps I should branch out a bit more and instead of focusing on one hat, explore all of them, and what they mean to me..

I suppose I could revamp my “brand” people do this sort of thing all the time, right?

I mean this is.. Life, or something like it..

What do you do when you feel as though you’ve said all that you can say.. at least for now?

 

Working out with diabetes..

 

This post is a little late in the day but I figured, what the heck. :)

Recently I have been exercising a lot more, and it’s been great. Only it took some tweaking before getting to this point of awesomeness. I was about to throw in the towel a few weeks ago. It was pure frustration really.

For the past month or two I have made it a point to walk, for now, about 1-2 miles a day. The problem was that I would check my blood glucose before venturing out, it’d be a nice leveled number, then I’d come home and I would check again only to find my blood glucose hanging out in the 200’s plus. Then, for the rest of the day I’d stay low/steady. I just didn’t understand why I was running so high after working out. I mean isn’t exercise supposed to be good for me and the ol’ D? Then I came across a few articles that stated a reason for all of the shenanigans. So simple. While working out your body is releasing glucose into your bloodstream, you know, the energy you need to be active, therefore the more exercise you do the more glucose is being released into your muscles to get the job done. After reading that, and consulting my physician, I began upping my “fast acting” insulin shot, I’m on MDI, right before my walk/run/workout and that has sorted everything out. Craziness.

For example, if I check my blood glucose before my morning workout and it is in the 160’s I automatically have to correct because my goal number is 130. I take that correction injection and if I plan to workout right away I also take two extra units. Now, this can result in some funkiness (great medical term, right?) if I take those extra units and then decide not to workout because then I have too much insulin and not enough carbs/glucose to cover it. Otherwise it works out just fine. If my fasting bg is lower than 130 I usually try to ride the workout through and hope that I don’t spike. Which hasn’t happened, yet. So far so good.

Seems a bit overwhelming, right?

 

Perhaps I am not explaining myself very well either. In any case, I have stuck with this routine now for about a week and my post workout blood glucose has been great. Significantly lower than my fasting one or it remains steady. Now, of course, I don’t recommend this for everyone. I consulted my family doctor and she gave the approval.

However, now I am left wondering if I am the only one who has dealt with this.

Have you needed more or less insulin when working out?