I apologize now. This will not be my normal cheery, we can do this, kind of post.
Since tightening the diabetic straps and trying so very hard to maintain good, healthy numbers, I have found myself very frustrated. At least within the last couple of days anyway. Every day I wake up with a positive attitude and I think to myself, “you got this!” Then I get hit in the face with something, diabetic related, and not literally, that totally changes my mood. Recently I wrote about how I have decided to take action with my health and so I began exercising more, keeping my blood sugars in check and actually counting my carbs out so that I would have enough insulin to cover..and..well, it’s worked out nice and dandy until the fifth and the sixth which are documented here in the photo below. This is an app I use on my phone to record and keep track of my blood sugar numbers, units of insulin I take, and carbs I’ve consumed. As you can see, not the best looking graph. Am I right? :/
Yesterday I was either chasing the numbers down or trying to get them back up and I think the most frustrating part was that I was doing everything that I would normally do. I didn’t eat out, I exercised, I counted every single, annoying, little carb, I took my insulin and still..still I lost. I didn’t win at all. I mean I wasn’t in range even once! I feel like a complete failure right now. Mostly because for the first time in a very long time I am actually trying to do this. I am caring, a lot, about all of it and I hate seeing my efforts go to the crapper because diabetes decided to be a jerk. I want to blame someone. Something. I don’t want to blame myself..but was it me? I cried when I looked at the graph. It just sucks terribly when you care about something but it doesn’t care back.
This morning wasn’t any better. I checked my sugar before breakfast and it was 177. After that it was 130. I thought I was winning. Lunch time came around and so I checked my number once more so that I could bolus properly and it was 240. Why? I had only had a bowl of cereal that I did a slight correction for and then did my normal bolus. I am hoping this isn’t a trend for the rest of the day but I feel as though the day has been shot.
I want to go back to bed and start all over again.
My husband thinks it is one of two things and I might have to agree with him…
- I stopped drinking coffee all together and I wasn’t drinking diet soda either. The last couple of days I have been on a diet coke kick and then my sugars began to jump around. He thinks I might need to nix the diet altogether.
- Another reason for the spikes might be that I am trying to find a time to take my long acting insulin. Meaning: I take 20 units twice a day. At 11:30 am and 11:30 pm. This was working out really well. The problem was that it was so annoying if we were out and about before the am shot to either bring it with me or come back to take it. And it was annoying having to set an alarm for 11:30 pm so that I could wake up and take it. The numbers don’t lie though because I started taking them at 9 and 9 and now I am bouncing around. So I am going back to my 11 and 11 o’clock shots and hoping this helps.
If it doesn’t well, I will just try and try again, I am not giving up. There is no turning back around. I have to keep moving forward and figuring out what works best for me. Even if it is grating on my nerves and emotions.
Own it or be owned, right?!