No, not really!
So in the meantime..
I certainly hope that one day I will be able to shout from the rooftops that I used to be a diabetic. For now I will just continue to fight the good fight. :)
Before breakfast my blood glucose was 141. This picture displays my after breakfast number. See, not cured. I’ll live though.
Recently, during a diabetic discussion I was having, a friend of mine asked two very thought provoking questions and so I thought I would continue the conversation here.
- What if you woke up tomorrow morning and didn’t have diabetes anymore? What would that feel like for you?
I am assuming that I would “just know” in the morning that I was no longer a diabetic. Let’s act as if I wouldn’t though. The truth is I would probably continue my day normally. I would check my glucose levels and the numbers would come up normal. I question whether I would inject myself with insulin at that point. Normal readings, before and after breakfast, I might with hold the insulin. Normal readings before and after lunch..that is when I would question whether or not I was dreaming. A doctors visit might have to confirm the absence of diabetes in which case I would probably cry. Happy tears, of course. I would race home and dispose of every single thing that reminded me of this disease. I would call my sister, my cousin, some one, and proclaim my freedom of that horrible diabetic monster that kept me chained down.
My heart would be overflowing with happiness.
I might even check and recheck my sugar just to be sure.
But then maybe I would feel..overwhelmed. I say that diabetes does not define me but it has been a huge part of my life for the last eight years. I might have to overcome the denial, because just like I questioned, “Why me?” during my diagnosis I might revisit the question once more. Why me? Why was I so lucky? Is it just me, or are my friends cured too? I guess the truth is I couldn’t really tell you how I would feel or what I would do. Maybe I’d end up feeling that sense of loneliness all over again. I have met so many amazing people through having this disease. Maybe we’d come together in another way. PWUTHD-People Who Used To Have Diabetes. a support group for individuals who have been cured and are not sure how to move on from this.
At the end of the day I’m sure I’d be happy, at least, I’d like to think so.
- Where would you be right now, what would your life be like, if you had never been diagnosed with diabetes?
This question made me sad. I was 18 when I was diagnosed so I remember what life was like before. I remember my biggest worry being what I would wear for the day. Some days I would eat breakfast, some days I wouldn’t, I could leave the house with just my cell phone and some cash in my pocket. I was free. These days I can’t skip a meal or an insulin shot. I can not walk out of the house with out glucose tablets to treat a low or my insulin to treat a high. My purses have gotten incredibly huge over the years to accommodate everything I need for survival. Survival? I’m only going to the grocery store, or the library, or out for a walk. What could one really need to “survive” well, lots of things. My meter, my insulin, the syringes to inject said insulin, glucose tablets..and more.
So where would I be right now if I had never been diagnosed, well, I would be a lot more carefree.
I would be different, that is for sure, but having diabetes has taught me a lot.
- I am a lot more compassionate towards people with illnesses/diseases because I am dealing with one myself.
- I am way more understanding because I know what it is like for things to come up when you are dealing with ups and downs. People have called me a flake for having to cancel hangouts. Sometimes diabetes has a mind of it’s own and I am not always able to tame the beast. Since being diagnosed I know not to judge people. We don’t always know what they are going through.
- I am organized, you have to be when you are juggling life’s demands. Family, the husband, our daughter, at one time college, and then the tedious demands of this disease on top of it all. You need to have order.
- I have a voice now, for myself, and maybe even for the person too shy to speak up. I have never liked confrontation but when it comes to mocking diabetes, or someone for having it, I wont stand for it. I wont stand for the mocking of any illness!
Having diabetes has made me a warrior! A diabetic warrior. :)
If I hadn’t been diagnosed I’d like to say that I would be a good person, but having diabetes has taught me to be a better person!
I actually try not to think about the negatives. I keep moving forward because that’s all you can do. I can not live a happy, healthy life if I am constantly living in the past. The why and why not questions wont get me very far.
It is what it is really.
At the end of the day I accept that I am living with diabetes now and I hope for a cure. If not for me then for future generations.