Stop and smell the roses..

My five year old is always chatting and discussing with me things like, the meaning of life, who her best friends are, why she doesn’t care for this food or that, and how much she loves me and why. Usually I am very attentive, but I will admit, if I am trying to multitask at the same time she is trying to give me her latest speech on why she deserves ice cream before dinner, that I will give her the old “nod and smile” while occasionally throwing in an, “Oh, really?” It works. So I try not to mess with things that work. :)

Lately she has been very interested in my diabetes and how I am feeling. It’s very sweet actually. Through our conversation I picked out a few gems that really stuck with me some are diabetes related and some are not..

  1. When my sugar is high and I am feeling grumpy…”You know, mom, I’m going to tell you some knock knock jokes!” She says that if I laugh really hard and loud I might feel better and being happy will make my sugar come down. 
  2. It’s okay to have dessert before dinner because we’re getting to the fun stuff before having to take care of the boring part.
  3. Exercise is great for mommies and kids to do together. She’s a huge health nut..at five! It’s weird. The other day I was working out and she was standing on the sidelines shouting my name. Cheering me on and telling me that I could do it.
  4. Sometimes I don’t always have to clean and do laundry. That stuff is boring and she’d rather we just sit on the couch and watch movies all day. Lately I have been trying to do more of that. The cleaning will get done, eventually. :)
  5. When someone is not feeling well…snuggles make everything better.

Sometimes the wisdom of a child is astounding.

She’s a smart little thing and she makes life so much more enjoyable. I admit that I can be a bit grouchy when there is stuff that needs to get done and no one is doing it. When the chores are piling up but all they want to do is play…it’s endearing but frustrating. My way of thinking is that I will enjoy myself after all the work gets done. They think the opposite is better. ( “They” being my husband and little girl) So, I figure once in a while I would give it a try and just worry about living and less about whether or not the dishes are put away.

 

Here’s the recap..

In case you were interested in viewing what my day of diabetes was like, via twitter, I have created a link for you..here.

Briefly I thought I would share five things that this whole thing taught me:

  1. Though not every diabetic is the same we all go through some of the same frustrations. I think that is why we can all be so encouraging to one another. Because there is an understanding. It’s awesome. 
  2. Not every day is the same when it comes to diabetes. It likes to keep us on our toes. Yesterday was actually a decent day on display for all of twitter to view. While the day before that I battled some vicious numbers. You just never know. Which is why I try to just roll with the punches. Today I am hoping for another amazing diabetes day, but who knows.
  3. Live tweeting your diabetes can get a little more tedious than even the disease. I almost gave up on it yesterday. :)
  4. Getting feedback about my tweets, what I was eating, my regimen was nice. The best part was it sparked a few questions from my non-diabetic friends and family who had no idea that this was what I dealt with daily. So I learned that I shouldn’t hide my disease or what I am going through whether those moments are happy or frustrating.
  5. Coffee and creamer do not mix well with diabetes. Ha. My highest spike was right after my morning cup of heaven.

So some of my “learning” was a bit comical. The bigger picture is that I wasn’t uncomfortable.

In fact while I was out yesterday I tested my blood sugar and took my shot right out in the open. Before I tried very hard to be discrete about everything. The last thing I wanted was to make someone else feel weird or uncomfortable, and then I realized that I was putting myself in a corner when I should be like, “Hey, world! I’m diabetic..deal with it!” :)

#dayofdiabetes

Today I am going to join in with quite a few people who have already done so and participate in Day Of Diabetes.

In short I will basically be live tweeting , to the best of my ability, everything diabetes related. From when I wake up in the morning to the time I go to bed, and of course, everything in between. For starters I would like it to be noted that I am not a medical professional, I have never claimed to be one, and my regimen is a work in progress. I am not perfect especially when it comes to my diabetes. My days are inconsistent, that’s how diabetes rolls, so to speak. Bare with me. I am putting a lot of myself out there and coming from someone who used to feel very shy about sharing things like this, it’s going to be a little difficult.

No one wants to feel judged.

I first heard of this from SweeterCherise who took to twitter for her day of diabetes. I thought it was such a neat idea. Then it picked up and soon a few others that I follow started live tweeting.

So I figured, why not try it too. Why not let my day be seen. Not just for my diabetic buddies either, they know what the day to day is like for the most part, but for my non diabetic friends. People/family who maybe haven’t experienced diabetes first hand can see what it is like trying to handle family/household chores/life stresses as well as diabetes. It is certainly not a walk in the park. We handle it all so well because we have to. The only other option is to give up and lay by the waste side. That is not a life for me. I hope that in doing this I will get to educate someone, anyone, in the life of a diabetic.

I will post my tweets and talk about what the experience was like for me.

Or you can follow me right now at http://www.twitter.com/xxlovelylizxx

Enjoy the show, folks. :)

Strengths and Weaknesses.

I’m joining the DSMA for this month’s Blog Carnival! This month’s prompt is: 

  • What do you think are your Diabetes Weaknesses?

Let’s start off with some weaknesses. For some reason those seem to roll right out with little effort.

I have been a type one diabetic for almost eight years now and I can say that the one thing I would consider a weakness is my laziness. I know, it sounds terrible. Recently I have really been on top of checking my sugars. There was a time, though, where I didn’t check them at all. So even though I have been trying to be a “better diabetic” I’ll admit that once in a while I forget, no, I get lazy. I try to rely on my body to tell me what’s going on and sometimes that is not good enough. For example, right now I checked my sugar and it was 180, but I felt like it was much higher for some reason. If I hadn’t checked and just decided to take my insulin shot I would be crashing. I know it’s not safe to solely rely on my “symptoms” and I don’t always do this, but once in a while I just don’t feel like poking my fingers. Mostly it’s at night when I am exhausted from the day that I’ll tell myself, “You feel fine. Check it in the morning!” Terrible. So I would call that a weakness for sure. Another one might be that I don’t always know when to throw in the towel. I push myself way harder than I probably should to keep up with my little one and the family. Sometimes I need to admit when I am not feeling 100% I know that they won’t judge me or be upset with me. It’s difficult though.

 

  • What do you consider to be your Diabetes Strengths?

Let’s talk about the good stuff now. :) I have learned a lot about this disease through out the years. I have also learned a lot about myself. Some strengths, I believe, would be that I don’t let the numbers get to me anymore. (Seems silly after saying sometimes I forget to check my sugar, but like I said, it’s only once in a while) :) I have learned that a lot of things affect how my blood sugar levels are going to shake out. If I am stressed, they are going to bounce around a ton. When I am sick they tend to stay very high. I have really learned to focus more on the good days than the bad. I celebrate anything under 200 to be quite honest. They used to run even higher than that. Even the most “experienced” of us diabetics have off days. Life goes on, and so do I. I guess another strength for me would be my willingness to learn. That may seem weird but let me explain… Some people have issues or illnesses that they really don’t bother to research. They sort of skate by hoping for the best and leaving everything up to the doctors. I, on the other hand, have decided to know my disease inside and out and speak up when I feel like the doctors do not have my best interest in mind. I think that is a very good strength to have. I will not be pushed around and made to think I don’t know what I am doing/going through. (Not that I get a lot of crap or anything, but I did, in the beginning. I was misinformed and not on top of my game)

That has changed.

Everyday, for me, is an opportunity to learn and grow. I learn from my weaknesses so that I can grow stronger.

In the words of a very wise little miss, “Just keep swimming!” -Dory

This post is my May entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival.  If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2013/may-dsma-blog-carnival-3/

I haven’t been to war…

..but I’ve fought a few battles. 

I’ve debated over and over whether or not I should talk about this or even post about it and my conclusion is that a person will go through many things in their lives but it’s in that moment of acceptance and the willingness to move on that really shapes who you are and everything you represent. I am not looking for any sort of sympathy I am only here to let you know that I have been where you are and I have come out on the other side…Again, this will be a very difficult post for me to write but I feel as though sharing would not only benefit myself but also someone else going through a similar situation.

The end of 2005 is when I was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes, it was at the end of my 18th year. With little to no diabetic education I was left on my own to figure things out. After three years of being diagnosed with this incredibly tedious disease I had become fed up with it all. I was trying so hard to familiarize myself with the ins and outs of this illness that I had become frustrated with everything I had to do. By 2009 I was juggling family life; my husband, our daughter, as well as college, and of course my disease. Circling my thoughts constantly was this need to be normal again. I found it terribly exhausting having to sneak off  during  school hours so I could inject myself with insulin. I was nervous to share my disease with others. I hated the constant looks when I would come into class with loads of snacks to treat a low, or gallons of water to treat a high. I was just over the whole thing. So I did something stupid and I refused to take my shots properly, I refused to check my sugars, and I pretended like I wasn’t sick. I went on like this for a while. After some time I noticed that I was starting to drop weight, this made me happy so I began exercising more, and continuing my diabetes strike. On the outside I was looking slim, probably the best I had ever looked, while on the inside I was dying. Literally. It was very easy to hide that I wasn’t taking care of myself. At the time no one I knew would have guessed that I was suffering from such a destructive mindset. Diabetes aside I was suffering from what I now know to be called Diabulimia.

All my life I struggled with weight so when I made an educated guess and linked not taking my insulin with the weight loss this gave me even more of an incentive to continue the destructive cycle. It started off harmlessly, a type one diabetic fed up with having to inject insulin, check sugars and be different, that before I knew it I was spiraling out of control. Quickly.

What caused me to snap myself out of this was one frightening afternoon where I was rushed to the emergency room by my frantic mother in law. The memories are a bit hazy but I can recall phoning my husband at work and not even being able to form a proper sentence. My blood was acidic and I was fading in and out. I can remember feeling weak, and like my heart was about to burst out of my chest. I was alone in the house with my daughter who was so little at the time and thought nothing of the situation. I was hunched over the table, mouth like the Sahara, thoughts cloudy, feeling like I was about to die, when my mother in law came rushing in like some sort of super hero. I stumbled into her car with my daughter next to me looking at me somewhat concerned by this point.

My sugar levels had reached a dangerously high number and needless to say I was hospitalized. I spent three days getting tested and analyzed. They thought I was having a heart attack at only twenty-two years old. While I was there I had a lot of time to think about everything, I felt alone, and more importantly, frustrated with myself for consciously destroying my own body. I remember thinking, “What the hell is wrong with me!” I had no idea at the time that I was suffering from an eating disorder. Only now am I really able to come to terms with it. It was a tough pill to swallow. While in the moment I didn’t realize what I was doing. It’s very easy, I believe, to get caught up in this. My whole world revolves around counting carbs, and watching how my body reacts to food and insulin. Couple that with an already OCD type personality and you are bound to get some trouble. I am not condoning what I did, or making excuses, I am simply stating that the consequences of my behavior was not something I had anticipated. In my head I was only refusing to acknowledge my diabetes the rest was not planned.

I share this memory because it is apart of my journey as a diabetic. I am a different person now. It’s taken me a few years but I realize that this does not make me weak. People want to criticize individuals for not being able to handle this or that but at the end of the day the battles they have overcome make them strong and brave. I don’t see myself as a victim either, I see myself as a warrior. I suffered through something and came out on top. Today I am happy, I am healthy (as far as diabetes goes) and I refuse to go down that road again. Not only did I scare my husband, I scared myself and I never want to feel that way again. I hope that other people who might be dealing with this see that though you might feel lost right now, the path is there, wide open and ready for you. You are not weak, you are strong, beautiful and courageous.

You can do this! You can get though this!

 

(I just want to say thank you to all the people who have encouraged me to put this out there. I have read some very inspiring stories and they gave me the strength to say, “I have been through that..” The only point I am trying to make is that I want to be there for someone else who might feel alone and ashamed. There is support out there. You are not alone!)

 

Sharing the love..

The D.O.C <3

It’s the last day for Diabetes Blog Week and I have enjoyed being apart of something so amazing. I just want to yell from the roof tops, “I did it!!” Life gets very busy and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to write every single day, turns out, it was easier than I thought.

Let’s give a round of applause to Bitter Sweet Diabetes who has been hosting this amazing thing for four years now. When I discovered it I knew it would be a lot of fun! I have been able to read and get to know so many wonderful people affected by diabetes. Such a terrific experience. If you would like to know more about it you can follow the link above. There you will also find a link to all the bloggers who have contributed to the topics this week. Enjoy!

Here’s the prompt:

As another Diabetes Blog Week draws to a close, let’s reflect on some of the great bloggers we’ve found this week. Give some love to three blog posts you’ve read and loved during Diabetes Blog Week, and tell us why they’re worth reading. Or share three blogs you’ve found this week that are new to you. 

Since there were so many amazing posts through out this blog week I’ve found it very difficult to choose just three. So, instead, I will choose three bloggers that I have newly discovered.

Sarah at La Osita Blog. I just started reading her and I have loved her perspectives on diabetes and her life with it.

Paul at Type One Fun. I discovered his blog a few days before Blog Week started. He is new to the D.O.C as well as newly diagnosed and I just love how happy he is even with the ups and downs of diabetes. It’s great stuff.

Christel at The Perfect D. I was able to find her blog thanks to Diabetes Blog Week and I have enjoyed it very much. I just love her way of thinking. Great posts, sincerely. Check them out sometime.

Better yet, check out all of the bloggers listed. :)

A huge thank you to everyone who has stopped by and shown my little corner some love. I appreciate all the sweet comments.