tick, tick, tick..

On a serious note:

My husband and I have come to a point in our lives where we are questioning whether or not to have more children. We were blessed five years ago with our gorgeous little girl and she has been what makes my heart beat. The absolute love of my life. She is healthy, happy, energetic and so stinking smart. Truly a blessing. She keeps me on my toes and smiling constantly.

When I was diagnosed with type one diabetes I was only eighteen. (That was eight years ago) In the beginning of all the chaos the doctors convinced me that children would probably not be apart of my future so I had decided, in that moment, that I wouldn’t even try. Then I met my husband, we fell in love, and created this amazing little life. I never thought it would even be possible and yet here we are. I was very aware of the complications that could occur and so I lived a super strict life while pregnant with my little girl. I sacrificed a lot, because that is what you do when you love someone, and even before I was able to hold her in my arms, I loved her with all my heart. Which is one of the reasons, aside from the obvious, that I worry so much about my diabetes. I take my health very serious because I plan to be in my daughters life for a long time and nothing is going to change that.

Back to my point…

I am now twenty-six feeling as though my clock is ticking and the time frame in which to have a baby is closing fast. Not only does age play a huge role in pregnancy complications so does being diabetic. So I am left thinking, and wondering, if other diabetic moms have thought about this sort of thing. Thought about babies, the complications, and whether or not to take the risk. Perhaps I should feel lucky that I have my daughter and not rock the boat, for lack of a better phrase. The thing is that both my husband and I come from decent sized families and I don’t want to rob my daughter from having the same kind of connections. I would say that I am very close with my siblings, in fact, I’m not sure where I would have ended up with out them. I have thought about this a lot.

  • What if my next pregnancy doesn’t go as smoothly as the first.
  • What if something happens to me during the pregnancy/childbirth and I am not here for my daughter.
  • What if, because of natural and diabetic complications, something happens to my unborn child.

What if it’s just not in the cards for us?

I know, I am playing the “what if” game and that is never good. Maybe I should just let it be, and if it happens then that’s great, and if it doesn’t, well, that’s fine too. I’ve read a few blogs from type one mommies who have had more than one child and they all seem happy and healthy. Which makes me think..why not try?

At the end of the day my heart is filled with so much love to give and I see the little angel we have now.. and I think..I could love another. They could grow up to be the best of friends. On the other hand, I could just appreciate the one gift I was blessed with and cherish her always. Truthfully, maybe, what it all comes down to is that she is growing up, so fast. Too fast. I am left missing the days when she was this tiny little thing. She has her own little personality now with her own thoughts and dreams and one day she’ll be all grown up and out of the house. It makes me sad. She’ll be six, going on twenty, at the end of the year and I’m left wondering..

Where has the time gone?


8 thoughts on “tick, tick, tick..

  1. When I was in high school, I remember being told how hard it is to have a baby while having diabetes, but now that I’ve seen so many women go through it, it isn’t even a factor for me. Kelly Close has had three children with diabetes and she was no spring chicken when it happened either (not that she was old, she just wasn’t 26). I’m almost 28 and married and I probably won’t have kids until I’m 30 because of other life factors but I’m not going to let diabetes rule my childbearing decisions. I think you have to do what’s best for your family, and honestly, all those what if situations can happen diabetes or not. I know a few people who had rough pregnancies WITHOUT diabetes so it’s not guarantee either way. If you want to give your child a biological sibling, go for it. If you don’t, no one will think twice. Every family has their own unique needs and challenges and you have to focus on what’s going to work for you. :)

    • Thank you so much for your comment. It really made me feel better. I know that I need to just focus on what is good for me and my family. It’s just so hard when you have everyone else thinking they know better than you do and constantly reminding you of this or that. That’s the most frustrating. You’re right though, complications happen with or with out the diabetes. :) I think I’m gonna take a breath and just let things be for now. No use in stressing out. Again, thank you.

  2. Great post! As you can probably tell from my blog name, my husband and I are in the process of what I like to call pre-pregnancy. I’m type 1 and doing what I can to get as healthy as possible so that we can have a healthy pregnancy within the next year or so. I’m 32, so a bit older than you and my window is closing, fast.

    I honestly think that you and your husband need to make the decision based on what you feel in your hearts. Sometimes our brains may know best, but I really believe that in the case of expanding/starting families, our hearts should win out.

    • Thank you for commenting. You’re right, sometimes we should go with the brain but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with following the heart either. Best of luck in your future pregnancy, I can not wait to read about your adventures. :)

  3. A life like mine says:

    Great post, I wanted to comment because I legitimately think that you are a wonderful mother, whether it’s to your one child or potentially to two children. I know that as a ‘child’ this may seem far fetched, but having read many of your posts and being a complete outsider of your situation, I really wanted to let you know that you’re really standing up to your role as a mother.

    Best of luck in your decision.

    • Thank you! Your words really meant a lot to me. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I can feel, at times, like I could always be doing better, or more, but my daughter is happy and healthy and at the end of the day that’s all i want. :) Again, thank you for your kinds words.

  4. foroneplease says:

    26? Wow…u’ve got loads of time then :) (At least going by what my Mum says, she is a fertility specialist!) Hope you find the answer in your hearts ..God bless!

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