On a serious note:
My husband and I have come to a point in our lives where we are questioning whether or not to have more children. We were blessed five years ago with our gorgeous little girl and she has been what makes my heart beat. The absolute love of my life. She is healthy, happy, energetic and so stinking smart. Truly a blessing. She keeps me on my toes and smiling constantly.
When I was diagnosed with type one diabetes I was only eighteen. (That was eight years ago) In the beginning of all the chaos the doctors convinced me that children would probably not be apart of my future so I had decided, in that moment, that I wouldn’t even try. Then I met my husband, we fell in love, and created this amazing little life. I never thought it would even be possible and yet here we are. I was very aware of the complications that could occur and so I lived a super strict life while pregnant with my little girl. I sacrificed a lot, because that is what you do when you love someone, and even before I was able to hold her in my arms, I loved her with all my heart. Which is one of the reasons, aside from the obvious, that I worry so much about my diabetes. I take my health very serious because I plan to be in my daughters life for a long time and nothing is going to change that.
Back to my point…
I am now twenty-six feeling as though my clock is ticking and the time frame in which to have a baby is closing fast. Not only does age play a huge role in pregnancy complications so does being diabetic. So I am left thinking, and wondering, if other diabetic moms have thought about this sort of thing. Thought about babies, the complications, and whether or not to take the risk. Perhaps I should feel lucky that I have my daughter and not rock the boat, for lack of a better phrase. The thing is that both my husband and I come from decent sized families and I don’t want to rob my daughter from having the same kind of connections. I would say that I am very close with my siblings, in fact, I’m not sure where I would have ended up with out them. I have thought about this a lot.
- What if my next pregnancy doesn’t go as smoothly as the first.
- What if something happens to me during the pregnancy/childbirth and I am not here for my daughter.
- What if, because of natural and diabetic complications, something happens to my unborn child.
What if it’s just not in the cards for us?
I know, I am playing the “what if” game and that is never good. Maybe I should just let it be, and if it happens then that’s great, and if it doesn’t, well, that’s fine too. I’ve read a few blogs from type one mommies who have had more than one child and they all seem happy and healthy. Which makes me think..why not try?
At the end of the day my heart is filled with so much love to give and I see the little angel we have now.. and I think..I could love another. They could grow up to be the best of friends. On the other hand, I could just appreciate the one gift I was blessed with and cherish her always. Truthfully, maybe, what it all comes down to is that she is growing up, so fast. Too fast. I am left missing the days when she was this tiny little thing. She has her own little personality now with her own thoughts and dreams and one day she’ll be all grown up and out of the house. It makes me sad. She’ll be six, going on twenty, at the end of the year and I’m left wondering..
Where has the time gone?