The other day I had decided I should write another blog post, while waiting for some sort of inspiration, I thought maybe I should post something fun and quirky. Then it hit me, I decided to go with something that really affects my everyday life, diabetes. Yes, I know. I recently wrote about being diabetic, but today’s topic revolves around being a diabetic as well as being a mommy. I feel as though these two subjects are very different but when coupled together they are quite unique.
Before children I was just a type one diabetic. I only had to focus on myself and my disease. That changed.
When I was first diagnosed I can remember the doctors telling me that children would be nearly impossible. That not only would my pregnancy be full of complications but I would be putting my child at risk. He put his hand on my shoulder and said with a soft, sort of comforting voice, that the loss of my child during my pregnancy was very high. So at that point I had made up my mind, though very saddened, that I would not be having children. When I met my husband children weren’t discussed right away, he knew about my diabetes as soon as the relationship started, but not very much. (Though he’s practically an expert now) :) Then one day we find out that we would be having a baby. We were beyond scared and excited as all normal couples would be, but we also had to consider how my diabetes would affect everything. We started going to the doctors right away, twice a week, I logged my sugar levels, I took every insulin shot exactly when I was supposed to, I gave up every “bad for you” thing and hoped/prayed/wished for everything to go as smoothly as possible. My mother was beyond frightened, kept referencing Steel Magnolias and how the daughter, played by Julia Roberts, had become pregnant and then died! Adding even more fear to my already full plate…
And then I had my daughter and everything was fine, for me. She’s five now and the best kid any mommy could ask for. She’s super intelligent, athletic, energetic, funny, so loving and beautiful. She is not diabetic and though the pregnancy was stressful everything worked out for the best! I can not say that every diabetics pregnancy will be like this but I can say that mine was a blessing and something I will never take for granted. With that said I will finally get to the point of this whole post. Life is still super stressful when it comes to being diabetic and a mommy. It didn’t stop after having my little girl. I know a lot of my diabetic buddies have not taken this journey yet, but some have, and they will understand that as a parent your child will always come first. I would go without in an instant so that my daughter doesn’t have to. Unfortunately I can not go with out insulin, or checking my blood glucose levels and what ends up happening is I forget about myself and my needs as a diabetic. I push all that aside until I know that my little one is fed, clean, happy and doing her thing. Then, when all is said and done, I check my sugar, take my shots and try to get through the day. And if I am not feeling well I don’t really get to take the day off, I still have to be awake and alert when she wakes up so I can play with her, and act as though nothing is wrong. (There have been many hot Summer days where I have been out running around with her and suddenly start to feel my glucose levels drop/or even sky rocket, and though I would like to take care of myself, when my daughter is yelling for me to hurry up because she’d like to show me her latest tricks on the monkey bars I find myself ignoring my needs)
I’m also juggling household chores, dinners, meetings, appointments, soccer practice, family time..and so on..
Now, I’m not complaining one bit, I would not change my life for anything. This is my life all day every day and I do enjoy it. Just sometimes I feel as though people take the seriousness of this disease for granted. I have a lot on my plate, I have worries and fears all the time concerning my diabetes and being a mommy: Will I be around long enough for my little girl? Will me being diabetic affect her in the long run? Recently I decided that in order for me to be sure that I will live a long healthy life with my family I really need to take action. I need to eat right, work out, and really take care of my diabetes. Not that I was living reckless or anything but there is always room for improvement, right? :) I also realized that it is alright for me to tell her that mommy needs a second, as hard as that is for me, so that I can check my sugars and take my shots and what not. She has become so understanding that I know she wouldn’t be upset with me. It’s all me, I want her life to be as normal as possible even if mine is upside down a lot. I realize that it is okay to put myself first and when people compliment me for being a mommy and a diabetic, and some how getting through the day, that I should accept it with a smile and see that it is sort of a big deal. That’s hard to see when you’re right in the middle of the chaos. The struggle with this disease is every day and I am so far from perfect when it comes to dealing with it but I need to be okay with the ups and downs and realize that tomorrow is a better day. Yes, a lot of realizations in this post. I am so very hard on myself and I know I don’t need to be.
Some people would like to call me a super hero but most days I’d rather be Clark Kent.