Breaking up with Diabetes.

Most days I have a real love hate relationship with diabetes. Sometimes I feel proud of myself for giving it my best and coming out of the day unscathed by all of it. And other days I am left feeling down, depressed, and overall wishing I could break up with this disease. It is ugly inside and out. It is soul sucking and even when things are going seemingly well, they really aren’t.

There is always something happening behind the scenes.

I recently went through another episode of diabetes burnout. Not deliberately but I also did nothing to stop myself either. I allowed myself to feel every bit of sadness, every ounce of hatred, every piece of despair that this disease fed me. I was completely done. I ignored the beeps and alarms, and though I still gave myself insulin it was hardly accurate. It was too much and too little at all the wrong times. Not healthy, and I can admit that. Not healthy and extremely dangerous.

My intentions were not to harm myself, but I was trying everything I could to forget that diabetes existed in my life. I was trying everything I could to feel normal again, just for one second. An endocrinology appointment was around the corner and I knew it was going to be bad. I was prepared for it and not prepared for it all at the same time.

I tried to convince myself that it was not a big deal. I gathered every excuse in the book so that I could convince her that I was doing what I was supposed to do. I needed to put up a façade that I was indeed trying when in all honesty, I was not.  I was determined to go in there and let it be routine and full of lies, but one thing left me feeling uneasy…what would the test results say? With every floral word that I could muster it would never be able to change the cold hard truth. I was not doing as I should and she would see that plain as day.

So instead of wasting her time as well as mine I went in with honesty on my lips. I went in there and told her the truth. I poured out my heart and my soul to her. I cried a little, I shared my deepest thoughts like she were a therapist. When all was said and done I thought she would dismiss me, scold me, make me feel like every thing I had already been feeling about myself were true…instead, she listened. She mourned with me the loss of freedom I once had when it came to daily life, and she gave me true and honest feedback.

She made me feel as though I were safe. She assured me that we all go through these moments but what we get out of them and how we grow from them is what matters. After leaving her office I felt a tinge of awkwardness and a spark of utter shame. Then I went home and began my journey again. The journey of bettering myself, of taking control of this disease the best way I can, and reminding myself that to give up is defeat and I can not be defeated. These past few weeks have been heavy but good. I have been kind to myself. I have taken the reigns back and hope that this time around I can stay on top of it all without jeopardizing my sanity.

Because nothing can take me down unless I allow it.

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Do not be afraid to advocate.

 

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This one goes out to everyone dealing with insurance woes. To everyone needing approvals and letters of necessity stating that you still need your life sustaining medications. For me it is insulin and the devices I use to keep me going every day. My omnipods, dexcom sensors, and glucose meters that allow me the freedom to care for myself and my children with just a pinch of ease. These are supplies I NEED and should not be questioned over every year by insurance.

I completely understand that business is business and I will not claim to know the ins and outs of companies. Or doctors offices. I can only speak for myself and what I know to be true. That truth is that we, the people who need and depend on insurances and pharmacies, have to continuously be fighting for our lives. There is no break in our everyday care nor is there vacation time in ensuring that our medical needs are met.

January was a rough month for me.

I went back and forth, phone call after exhausting phone call, crying and begging for people to listen and do their parts. There was a complete possibility I was not going to be receiving my supplies because insurance companies were not communicating with doctors offices and vice versa. I was running low on insulin, a medication I need to live, and it was overwhelming. It was frustrating and irrationally heartbreaking. I had experienced hiccups before but nothing of this magnitude. I was left feeling lost. Helpless. Abandoned by the only people who could make these decisions concrete.

A phone conversation between my sister and I ended in tears when I admitted from the depths of my soul that I did not want to be a type one diabetic anymore. I was done with it. Over the whole situation. I wanted to give up but the reality is that you can not give up. It is literally a life or death matter. My sister, with grace and so much love, told me to do what I had to do. To cry it out but to get back up. There is no turning it off and that unfortunately these are the cards I was dealt. But to give up was to be giving up on myself, my hard work, and my family. I am not a quitter.

It took me getting extra feisty with people for them to see the dire situation they were putting me in. Which brings me to the point of this whole post…We are our only advocates! For the insurance companies and doctors, I am not saying they do not care, but to them this is still just a job. We have to stand up for ourselves, for our lives. We can not sit down and be silent. We have to fight. With everything we have we need to fight. No one else is going to do it for us. Yes, we can have amazing teams working with us and trying to guide us. However, at the end of the day it is OUR health on the line.

Never give up. Keep at it until their only option is to give you what you need.

 

My Diabetes Monster.

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Quite often when referring to diabetes I will call it a Monster. A vial wretched thing that is horrendously obnoxious, has no idea how to react to social cues, is completely inconsiderate and is just the most ridiculously annoying thing I have ever met. It’s the beast that lives on my back. Every one handles living with this tedious illness differently. I’ve found over the years that if there isn’t just a tinge of humor surrounding what I have to go through on a daily basis then I’m going to be deeply depressed. Because the truth about type one diabetes is that you are tasked with having to keep yourself alive every single day. You are in charge of administering a drug that could potentially kill you if done wrong. Talk about pressure.

That is a lot to put on someones plate if you ask me.

So rather than being down in the dumps about this whole thing. I treat diabetes like the monster it is. I didn’t choose it. But I can choose to be in control.

I thought it would be fun to introduce you to my “friend” Diabetes through some humorous tweets and blurbs about living life with me. Enjoy!

If Diabetes Could Tweet:

  • Woke up today and decided it was a good day to be high. Not because she ate anything crazy, just because I like to keep her on her toes.
  • 3 am. Perfect time to wake her with a low. Let’s shoot for a 45. That’ll be fun.
  • Working out? Awesome. Low blood sugar coming at you. Hope you enjoy all the carbs you’ll have to eat to bring this one back up. Food is yummy. You’re welcome.
  • Running around with the family today? Perfect. I’ll give you a break and only skyrocket once. Stop and smell the roses and chug that water, sweetheart.
  • It appears you are running late. I’m gonna hit you with a high, low, high combo and watch you struggle to get through the day. I love being spontaneous.
  • Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dinner out with friends. Don’t forget about me. Here’s a low. You look better with sweaty makeup and shaky hands.
  • Okay, okay. I’ve played hard enough. Let’s have a good day, friend. I wouldn’t want you to think I hate you or anything. You’re my buddy.
  • Here’s another good day coming at you. I call this episode false hope.
  • Aha! You thought you were doing so well. Back with the highs. C’mon, You know you love me. We’ve been friends for over 11 years now.
  • Feeling productive? Not anymore because I just slapped you with the most debilitating low. This is fun, right? I mean, I’m having a blast!

Isn’t Diabetes just awesome. He is witty and annoying. In all honesty there isn’t anything humorous about this illness but I’d rather focus on trying to find something funny then focus on how agonizing it can be. And how there isn’t a cure just yet.

How do you deal with the gloom that can diabetes?

Reviews and Giveaways!**

**Hello friends, the time has come. Head on over to The Diabetic Mommy Facebook page for an exciting GIVEAWAY sponsored by Sugar Medical. It is going on now through Monday, August 7th, TWO winners will be chosen at random and announced Tuesday, August 8th, at 1:00 p.m eastern time.  Good luck everyone. And thank you once again for all of the love and support you have shown this blog and Facebook page.**

Recently I had the opportunity to partner with the phenomenal Sugar Medical to do a review and giveaway. I wanted to share my thanks and gratitude for all of the awesome people who have helped make this site, and The Diabetic Mommy Facebook page, such an incredible community of like minded individuals. What better way to share the love than to give away really fantastic goodies. More on that later. For now, the review.

Disclaimer: I would like it to be noted that I am in no way being compensated by Sugar medical for purpose of this review. However, they are sponsoring the giveaway. All thoughts and opinions are my very own and are not influenced in any way by the company or individuals affiliated with said company.


Living with diabetes comes with a lot of worry; blood sugar levels and ways to treat them if need be, A1c’s and doctors appointments, complications that may or my not occur, and just the overall mental, physical, and emotional game you have to play when dealing with this illness. It is a stressful beast nipping at our heels, but we manage.

That being said, the last thing I want to worry about is where to keep all of my necessary supplies when traveling, and not just across states or countries, but to the grocery store or amusement parks. I don’t want to be fumbling around in my purse for my pump or dexcom. For you gentlemen out there it’s possibly even worse because you don’t carry bags lot of the time. The frustration is real, friends.

I  have been a long time user of sugar medical products, I find their bags to be quite functional and stylish enough to fit my funky personality. They have just about everything you could think of to help make living with diabetes just a little less crazy.

Recently the site introduced their newest bag, The Omnipod Plus Bag, it seemed cute and practical which was exactly what I had been looking into for awhile. Once I had actually received it I knew it was just what I needed. Pictured below is the one I was given for review, The Landon Plus bag. It is truly phenomenal and I’ll tell you why…

 

Not only does my Dexcom fit in the outside pocket perfectly but this bag features a see through window so I can view my numbers where ever I am with ease. This colorful bag comes with a strap for carrying it around my wrist or securing it to my purse. In the pictures above that is the thickness of the bag with all of my things inside…

 

Inside is roomier than a Cadillac. There is a zipper side for either an extra pod or syringes and lancets. There are loops to secure your insulin vial, test strips, batteries, and lancing device. But even better than that? There is now a velcro feature for your pump. You simply place the 3m sticker on the back of your PDM, let sit for 24 hours before placing on velcro in the bag, and bam…you have a secured device tucked away nicely. The very last picture is something I love even more, it is a trash compartment for your test strips. Inside is a plastic like material that is easily wiped out if you were to get blood in there. How amazing is that?

 

You can also purchase new gel skins. I went with purple but there are plenty of colors to choose from to fit your personality. Just because we have diabetes doesn’t mean we can’t be fashionable. Gentlemen, you aren’t left out either because there are color combos and themes to meet your needs as well.

Over all I am beyond impressed with these newer bags. The regular omnipod ones are great as well but if you are looking for just a little extra something then the plus is for you. It serves every need I have in regards to carrying my supplies.

Interested in purchasing one for yourself?

Check out the website linked above for more info.


 

If you liked this review then head on over to The Diabetic Mommy Facebook page and show us some love. Also a huge thank you to the Sugar medical team for partnering with me on this amazing giveaway. Stay tuned for more details.

One day I will…

Hello, friends and welcome to Friday Five.

The weeks have been long, the days have been hectic, and I still have so much to do before I leave on my trip to see my sister. Fun fact, it’s been five years since I’ve been back to my home state. I am beyond excited. But, I am also stressed. Making sure I have everything I’ll need for my diabetes, and then some, plus packing for myself and a two year old…Not fun. So to try and keep a cool and calm attitude I thought it would be a fun distraction to post a Friday Five.

This one is 5 things I hope to do/accomplish in my lifetime…

In no particular order, and probably leaving out so many more things, here we go.

  1. A little random but I hope to visit a few states I’ve never been to. New York, I mean the shopping alone is supposed to be remarkable. The shows, the lights, the history. It would be amazing to spend a weekend out there. Also, Vegas. No, I’ve really never been but would like to. I hear it’s so much fun and the atmosphere is electric. Last, but not least, Washington D.C. Now there’s a state with history and life. I would love to see the sights there and tuck that under awesome adventures.
  2. One day I would like to write a book. I’m not quite sure what it would be about, that’s probably the reason I haven’t started yet, but I think it would be very fulfilling to write a book about my life. Therapeutic, maybe. Even if no one ever read it, I think it would be neat to say, yeah I did that! I do have ideas swirling around and a few outlines but nothing concrete or worth sharing just yet. I suppose you’ll just have to stay tuned.
  3. Now this one may be silly but I would love to learn how to drive a manual car. My husband tried teaching me once and that did not go very well. There’s just so much you have to be doing and stay focused on. Some of the cooler cars come manual though. Just saying. Also, I think it would be beneficial to know and have that skill. Not too many people do from what I hear so to have that up my sleeve would be kind of cool.
  4. In the spirit of travel I would really love to visit a few different countries. I love seeing new places and experiencing different cultures. I think to truly learn about one another is to submerge ourselves. The food, the art, the people. One day I will get to explore and discover and I can not wait.
  5. Lastly, I would really like to learn how to sew. I can do buttons and small tears but I would love to make a quilt one day. Something that can stay in the family. Something with meaning. I saw one made with Tshirts from states the couple had visited. How beautiful is that. I’m sure I can teach myself, when I find the time. But who knows when that will happen. Maybe one day I will though.

Hope you enjoyed this Friday Five Segment.

If you have any ideas for more of these, things you’re just dying to know. Leave a comment. What would you like to accomplish in your life?

Have a lovely evening and don’t forget to wear that smile.

5 Things I wish people knew about living with Diabetes…

Let’s get right to it. Diabetes is difficult. Like, really difficult. It can be managed, yes. However, the emotional, physical, and mental state this illness can leave you in is pure craziness. One minute you’re completely in control and then you eat something, or go for a jog, or start stressing about the new promotion at work and then bam! You’re on a full blown diabetes roller coaster you never asked to be on.

This illness is hectic, tedious, and unruly. Even on the days you have massive control it isn’t because you were carefree. It takes patience beyond measure, commitment, and a whole lot of will power. I’m not speaking for everyone but my personal relationship with diabetes is a love hate one. I hate it, and it loves to hate me right back. The scars left behind by depression, anxiety, and just an overall fear of all the what if’s is enough to make a person want to scream. This illness is no joke, even though I try to make light of living with it. I do this because if I don’t laugh, even just a little, I would live in a funk.

So I’ve compiled five things I wish people knew about living with type one diabetes.

  1. I wish people knew that even though I am smiling on the outside, inside I am always freaking out. Are my numbers alright? I feel weird, why? I’m so thirsty…is my glucose high? What if I pass out from a low glucose and it’s just me and my kids? Why was my A1c so high? What am I doing wrong? I am constantly having to stay a few steps ahead of diabetes or it will catch me and make sure I fall hard. The truth is that Diabetes is a monster. It doesn’t care about anything.
  2. I wish people knew that it takes so much to stay in control of this. Maybe I make this look easy but it is far from it. Just thinking about being in charge of a drug that could potentially kill me is kind of a mind explosion. I’m not a doctor and yet I have to administer this drug to myself daily. Of course with out it I could die. So there really isn’t a grey area. I either do what I have to or I’m gone.
  3. I wish people knew that I didn’t do this to myself. None of us woke up one day asking to be diabetics. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. The fear alone of what could happen, or what is inevitable, is depressing. It can eat away at your sanity if you let it. I could fall asleep and never wake up. I could go into a coma. One day my kidneys could go on a permanent vacation, I know quite a few diabetics on dialysis already. Organs can decide not to work. I mean the list goes on. Not to mention I could lose feeling in my feet. People have had to get fingers, toes, even limbs amputated because of the havoc this disease creates. Why wouldn’t I have prevented myself from getting this illness if I could have? No one asks for this. It happens and we deal but I wish people understood that. Sugar didn’t do this to me. Cake wasn’t my enemy. It just happened.
  4. I wish people knew that even when I complain I’m never giving up. I can’t. It’s a real fight or flight kind of thing. You can either embrace it, run with it, and do your very best. Or you can let it take over your entire being until you’re consumed by it. Love and support from family and friends can go a long way. Every little encouraging thought, note, hug, whatever it may be, means the world to us. I know to me it does. If I didn’t have my support system who knows where I would be. I have met plenty of diabetics not caring about their illness because no one cares about them. What’s the point of fighting when you have no one in your corner.
  5. Lastly, I wish people knew that diabetes doesn’t limit us. I may have to take a few extra steps, precautions, or detours, but I am fully capable of taking this world on with diabetes on my back. We can do anything we put our minds to, with just a little more pizzazz, and a lot of snacks.

What’s something you wish people knew about living with Diabetes?

Review Wednesday.

It’s Review Wednesday.

A new installment where I review products I love, or don’t love, just for the fun of it.

Today we’ll be talking about LuLaRoe.

So let’s dive right in…

But first a disclaimer: I was not given these items for free, I did purchase them for the opportunity to try and review. All opinions are my own and do not reflect anyone else’s thoughts or ideas. I have not been influenced in any way.

Okay, I know you’ve seen them. The “buttah” leggings that are supposed to be so incredibly soft they feel like straight butter on your legs. Or perhaps you’ve been invited to the groups over Facebook.  If you’re like me then you probably had no idea what LuLaRoe was or how to get a hold of these leggings. Well, I partnered up with a dear friend of mine to fill you in on what this brand is and what exactly you’re missing out on,

If you don’t know what LuLuRoe is you can check out the website here where they talk about how the company got started and why it is such a life changing community. There’s a lot of great information there for you. But if you are just looking for the facts I can say that the styles are beautiful, the fabrics come in gorgeous patterns, and they really are the most comfortable thing you will ever wear.

Sizes range from XXS to 3XL. Teen and kid sizing is also available.

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There are also quite an array of styles and farbics to choose from. Skirts to dresses. Tops, leggings, and cardigan like covers. You can put together whole outfits and each one is just as unique as the person buying them. It’s kind of amazing. I personally went rather tame with my choices for my first LuLaRoe outfit.

A solid blue LuLaRoe Irma Tunic which the website describes as a loose, knit “high-low” tunic with fitted mid-length sleeves. The website also claims they are perfect for any body – no matter your shape, size, height or nail color…I completely agree. I despise online shopping so throwing caution to the wind and hoping everything looked decent on me was nerve wrecking but once I put the irma on I felt a real confidence. It hugged my curves in all the right places and didn’t leave me feeling frumpy either.

New leggings are always a plus. Who doesn’t love throwing on a comfortable and fun pair of these when lounging. They were oh so soft and I could honestly live in them. Don’t mind my son posing in the background. He was feeling left out.

With LuLaRoe, named after the owners grandchildren; Lucy, Lola, and Rose, you are definitely getting what you pay for. Soft, flattering, comfortable, and quality. I have worn, washed, repeated, the items I bought still look great. I would recommend this brand to anyone. If the prices seem too steep you should at least pick up a pair of the leggings. They are priced at about $25. Add a fun print to your life. You won’t regret it.

My friend Jess’ Facebook page is located here if you’d like a starting point. She does a lot of fun games, giveaways, and is just such a joy to be around. Her love and passion for life really spills into everything she does. Reach out to her if there is a specific print of leggings you might be looking for. She’s awesome at what she does.

Have you heard of LuLaRoe? If not, thoughts? If yes, what are your favorite pieces?