Monday Mantra.

positive thinking

It’s very easy to say you will do something. It takes a totally different part of the brain, or maybe just the heart, to actually do it. Actions speak louder than words. A truer statement could not be spoken, or written. I’d like to say that I live a positive lifestyle but I would be lying to you. There are times where I get into funks. I am only human. So with that come doubts. I doubt myself, my capabilities, my worth, my choices. I doubt life in general sometimes when it all appears to be going too well. I worry too much about everything but mostly things I can’t control. I am only human. What I will admit to is trying my very best, at all times, to shake those negative thoughts and fill myself up with positive ones.

This is not always as simple as it sounds. Sometimes those self loathing, self doubting thoughts can be like roots in the soil. Clinging to all that they can. Trying to ensure that you will not leave them behind like the miserable little beasts they are. Through prayer, self assurance, support, and encouragement a lot is possible.

I wake up in the morning with a thankful heart. I wake up in the morning excited to see my children. Excited to hear the silly stories my daughter comes up with. Overjoyed at the mere sound of my youngest giggling over his reflection. I wake up realizing that even if this day doesn’t go exactly as planned I can appreciate that it happened. All of it. Every tiny second. I wake up and I say thank you, Lord for this day and another chance to be a better person than I was yesterday, a better wife, a better mother, a better sister, and a better friend. We take for granted all that we are to ourselves and to others. One smile, one kind text, one hello it all means something. So who am I to let a sour thought enter my mind and ruin all the potential just one day has.

I wake up in the morning and I forget about what I might have been upset about before bed. I wake up and I smile and I greet the day, I greet my life, with cheer and an abundance of hope that it will be magnificent. And if for some reason it isn’t. If for some reason I let the doubts cloud my vision. I know that tomorrow will be better. Always.

I hope you all are having a wonderful Monday.

Stay safe and don’t forget to wear that smile. Someone else might be looking forward to it, too.

Pump it up.

pods

Life without my devices wasn’t terrible, though my A1C would disagree, I did feel a certain amount of freedom. It was nice not being hooked up to stuff. (I think that meant more to me than anything else) It was nice not having to stop everything for all those annoying beeps and whistles. It was nice that my only middle of the night alarm was my one year old. Though kind of scary because that is typically when I would go low. I pushed through. For a brief moment, before reality set it, I even contemplated never going back on my Omnipod or Dexcom. With a little one constantly clawing at, climbing on, or tugging me around I figured the less that could get ripped off, or broken, the better.

Irony: The whole reasoning behind me even getting the pods and cgm’s was so that I could feel safe, secure, and alert when it came to my blood sugars. I specifically picked the omnipod for it’s ease in use but also because it is tubeless. All the things that made me love my devices in the beginning eventually made me hate them.

Now here I am with my pod on my arm, clicking away in my ear, ensuring that my body has a constant drip of insulin being cycled into it. My blood sugars have started looking very attractive as of late and I am overall feeling less like I’ve been on a roller coaster against my will and more like I am just drained from chasing my one year old around the house.

Not an awful trade off really.

On my Facebook page, The Diabetic Mommy, I had discussed why I had initially been excited for MDI again. I complained about the data overload, which can be a lot to take in when you are new to these gadgets, I also commented on feeling like such a robot when I was out and about. Looking back I realize just how trivial these things are when it comes to the bigger picture of health and wellness. I had always recommended pumps and continuous glucose monitors because I know the amazing affect they have had on individuals but now I am even more on board after seeing such quick results post pumpcation. I think with a lot of research anyone, if truly interested, could find a pump that works for them and their lifestyle. Next month I start back on my Dexcom and I am even more excited about that. My guard dog at night against low and high blood sugars. I should never have taken you for granted.

Have you taken a pumpcation, whether it be for personal or financial reasons? Did you reunite with your gadgets? How’d that feel?

 

All I want for Christmas.

With the holiday season upon us I am sure we are all knee deep in lights, music, and gift wrap, but hopefully cheer as well. I know that every year not only is Santa making a list and checking it twice, I am doing the very same thing, it can be a stressful time for us all. I admit that I put a lot on myself to make the holidays, but especially Christmas, a very joyful time for everyone. By the end of it all I am exhausted, grumpy, and counting down to simple days with out all the anxiety for perfection.

This holiday season I told myself that it would be different. Some of you may not know that I recently started taking adult classes through my families Catholic church so that I could be a member of the faith and be welcomed back into the loving arms of our Lord. Some of you may not be on the same path as I am but I ask for respect and understanding. This is something I needed to do for me. I felt a huge void in my life, in my heart, and after baptizing both my children I realized that in order to be a good example to them I needed to lead with my actions and not just my words. So every Sunday morning I get up with my daughter and we attend our first communion classes and then after class we stay for mass with my brother in law and his lovely wife.

It has been quite the journey so far and I can honestly say that I have learned quite a bit about myself and the Catholic faith as a whole. I enjoy the people that I am in class with and have grown to really enjoy the traditions I am being taught about. Now if you happen to be Catholic then you might assume that you know exactly what my day to day at church looks like. I assure you, you don’t, it’s very different. The songs are contemporary. The Father stays very topical and gives such in depth and well thought out homily’s. I walked into this church just a few short months ago in May and instantly felt comfortable. Like home.

The reason I’m even bringing this up is because while going through these classes and learning so much I have come to realize that I knew nothing about Christmas, the season, advent, or what it truly meant to just be in the moment. (And I did grow up in a church going home) With peace in my heart I am taking a step back from trying to make sure every little thing is it’s place and I am just being here. Enjoying every second of every song, every second of baking cookies, every second of Christmas lights twinkling and every second of the cheer being spread all around, not just in my home, but in our families homes as well.

It truly is a beautiful time of year and I plan to really soak it in. So, in deciding what I really want for Christmas all i ask for is love, peace, and happiness. And I pray it continues into the new year!

Whether you are religious or not. I hope and pray that the season is merry and bright for you and your family and that the new year treats you well. For now I leave you with the best picture of my children seeing Santa.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Santa picture with kids

Life without you…

hello-pictureHello again my dear friends. It has been many days, weeks, months, it feels like years even, since I’ve been able to visit. I have not gone a single day with out wishing that I were back in the cozy comfort of this blog. So many moments, topics, thoughts to share over this past year. I don’t even know quite where to begin. Instead of boring you with a recap I figure we’ll just jump right into the thoughts of the day.

My son is asleep, finally, and I just keep thinking about every snuggle and every kiss I’ve given him. He turned a year old on November 4th and it was the most joyous and heartbreaking days of my life. The day he turned from baby to toddler. He is walking and climbing. He eats like a grown man some days and all he really wants is his family by his side. This little dude has turned into quite the ladies man as he flirts and blushes at every woman or girl that crosses his path. I am blessed beyond belief at this little being my husband and I created.

My daughter is growing more and more. She has turned into quite the young lady with her own interests, hopes, dreams, and aspirations. She amazes me everyday with her creativity and athleticism. Not sure where she inherited all of these amazing qualities but I am in awe of her everyday and can not wait to see where the roads beneath her feet lead.

My husband and I have been doing very well. New jobs, new adventures. They can be trying and exciting times. I think we’ve gotten closer just within the last few months because of life being turned upside down. I could not ask for a better friend, love, or father to our children. Truly.

Speaking of life being turned on it’s head. For awhile I didn’t have insurance. We were in this weird limbo as my husband started his new job and I stopped mine to be with the kids. I figured it would be a nice change going back to MDI. I mean I had done it for so long and really mastered it, as much as one can anyway, it didn’t seem like a scary thought is the point. I thought everything was going well until my latest endocrinologist appointment where she showed a lot of worry. She was concerned that my body just wasn’t reacting right to the “cheaper” long acting insulin and urged me to get back all of my devices. My a1c was high. Not drastic but higher than it had been in quite some time. She was worried about protein the urine, though my thyroid was perfect, my vitamin D was nonexistent. Coupled with any good results were bad results that I just didn’t want to hear. All I could think was that I could have, should have, been doing better. I knew where and when I’d “gone wrong” and felt like I only had myself to blame. She was very caring and encouraged me to keep up the good work and that she was confident that I would be back to good news all around come our next visit.

I cried. A lot.

The same thought swirled through my head.

I’m not doing this on purpose. Maybe I did need those gadgets more than I wanted to believe I did. Insurance finally kicked in and the funds were available so I could get back on track. Today I received my first shipment of pods in a very long time. Next month I am back on my Dexcom and all will be right again. Crossing my fingers and toes.

The hashtag #iwishpeopleknewthatdiabetes circles the twitter world a lot. I have used it quite a bit myself. All very thoughtful and emotionally hitting comments from myself and others in the diabetes online community but only one really sticks to the gut.

#Iwishpeopleknewthatdiabetes is hard.

It’s draining. It’s emotional. It’s raw. It bleeds. It sucks the life right out of you even when you think you are doing everything right. Even when you know you could be doing better. It hurts. Not just physically, or emotionally. It hurts your very soul sometimes, your pride maybe, to feel so helpless when you want to feel so strong. I go through my days smiling and all I want to do is cry because I know with diabetes my very best still wont be good enough. The complications will come. The time frame on that is up to you and your care but at the end of the day diabetes is one big ball of depressing junk.

That’s what I really wish people knew about this disease. THAT. And the fact that just because some of that rant may be true for me, or you, or them, it’s not keeping us down. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

Look forward to speaking with you all again soon.

Just keep smiling…

Friday Fun.

funfact

Fun Fact Friday.

I thought I’d put a little more of me out there, not like you don’t already know so much, and give you some fun facts.

Five Fun Facts:

  1. I love pb&j’s. Preferably with more peanut butter than jelly. Which is so weird because usually I love sweets. I use to always by strawberry until I met my husband and then I switched to grape, his favorite. Maybe that has something to do with it. Who knows. What I do know is the more peanut butter the better. Recently I met someone who hates peanut butter. I contemplated never speaking to them again. ;)
  2. I like to sing, a lot. Usually when I’m by myself, in the shower, the car, cleaning. Though I’ve been known to belt out some Disney songs with my oldest. I love musicals, movie soundtracks have never failed me, and most pop songs.
  3. Driving is the worst. If I have the option of not driving I will always take it. When I was younger I told myself that I’d drive everywhere and love it. It’d be amazing. No one could stop me. Now I realize how tedious it can be. How awful most drivers are and how dangerous it really can be because of said drivers. Pass.
  4. I love sleeping with white noise. The fan on, anything. It helps me relax. Not sure how or why this started. I remember being young and one of the places my family and I lived at the walls were fairly thin. You could hear when everyone was talking in the living room. Not necessarily what they were saying but the sound of their voices booming through the walls. My parents were always up late watching TV or talking and I would fall asleep to that sound. I can fall asleep without noise but it’s much easier when there’s something on. Weird, I know.
  5. I despise wearing socks. Unless I really have to, I always choose not to. I grew up in Southern California where the weather is beautiful most of the time. Sandals and flats all day and you do not wear socks with those.

Anyone feel the same way about these. What’s a fun fact about you? Share in the comments.

Sleep when baby sleeps…

baby-mickey-mouse-sleeping-babymickmoon2

This is a very common phrase or piece of advice that is doled out to new parents, new moms, if we’re being specific. I heard it a lot during my first pregnancy, and again with my second one, however with my first I was actually able to sleep when she slept. She was the only one so all of my attention was on her. I solely focused on what she needed and even let my diabetes slip here and there. I ignored the laundry and the dishes. I vacuumed only so she wouldn’t get anything in her mouth she wasn’t supposed to. I literally did the bare minimum in house work and just enjoyed cuddling with her.

It was awesome.

With baby number two being a very rambunctious little guy and also having a very active seven year old now I don’t have many opportunities to “sleep when baby sleeps..” because when he is sleeping I am washing clothes and cleaning baby food stains out of the carpet and dealing with the aftermath of poo explosions, yes, those happen a lot. I am trying to give my oldest enough attention so she doesn’t feel neglected or feel any sort of animosity towards her little brother. I am trying to spend quality time with my husband. And this time around I am not allowing my diabetes to sit on the back burner. I’m busy being the secretary and planning meals.

There is so much more on my plate these days that when it comes to sleep it seems as though it is only something I can accomplish at night, once everyone is asleep, the house is semi picked up in case people stop by, laundry is done -because kids go through a lot more of it than you’d think- and I am just that exhausted. I can never sleep when baby sleeps during the day because there is always one thing after an other that needs my attention. So when I hear that piece of advice being thrown about…I cringe.

I’ll tell you the truth.

You can’t really sleep when baby sleeps unless you basically want to ignore the whole world. Occasionally it’s possible but those moments are few and far between. So no, don’t expect to sleep when baby sleeps. Instead of that incredibly played out advice I’ll say this, do try to relax whenever you can so that you can maintain your sanity. Always remember that eventually your to-do list will get done. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and never be afraid of letting the laundry go for a bit. As long as you’re happy, your family will be happy.

It’s going to be okay!