Oh, Monday.

Everyone seems to really despise Monday. I suppose it’s because that’s normally when everyone heads back to work after their relaxing weekend. I, on the other hand, rather enjoy Monday. I work all weekend, about eight plus hours a day, sometimes less, so when Monday finally rolls around I look at it as MY weekend. I don’t have to put my uniform on or see that big red target symbol until Friday evening and I am totally okay with that. Ha. It’s just a funny backwards thing that I realized.

How was your weekend by the way?

I worked Friday, was off Saturday, and then was back at it Sunday. Saturday was my baby shower thrown by my sisters in law. It was amazing and so much fun. The theme was whales and waves and I wasn’t disappointed. The food was delicious, the decorations were adorable, the games had me laughing so much, and the company was awesome. Little man is so blessed to have so many people in his life who already love and adore him. He received quite a few gifts so we really only need a few items and we’ll be all set for his arrival.

Baby update: I am 30 weeks 2 days along and feeling great. I’m exhausted, still swollen, and that heartburn is a beast. Other than that the blood sugar levels have been amazingly on point and I am smooth sailing from here on out. According to my high risk doctor. He complimented me for being well managed and under control. Which means so much to me because this disease can have a mind of it’s own. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel and say forget you too diabetes but I know that I can’t. Not while little guy is still growing. I’ll be starting two visits a week with my High risk OB and diabetic specialist next week. Which tells me that we are in the home stretch. I am so close to the finish line I could taste it. I will be filling paperwork out for maternity leave here soon. The car seat is on it’s way. The house is fairly organized now. We’re basically just waiting. The worst game ever.

I am thankful that everything continues to go well.

It’s not without a lot of hard work and stressing over every little detail. I hate for it to sound like it’s such a breeze because it’s definitely not. So when I hear that I am doing a great job I really take it to heart. I have high blood sugars here and there. Sometimes I eat junk food. The point is that I never give up and I stay on top of everything. I speak with other diabetic women trying to conceive and I encourage them to start families if that’s what they really want. Because it’s not impossible. Every pregnancy is different, just like every diabetic is different. I think these are important facts to keep in mind when talking with one another. I was recently on a diabetic/pregnancy forum where everyone was bashing one another. There were sides and clicks being started. Women who were having “smooth” pregnancies and others who might be struggling some. They were being very discouraging towards each other and it broke my heart.

I say, encourage, support, and be there. No matter what. That’s how we get through obstacles no matter the size.

Enough about that though. Let’s get to the fun stuff…pictures!

The only Mom and Dad in the pack. :)

30 weeks!

Diaper cake.

Party favors.

Little mans bed.

Just me :)

 

 

Enjoying this moment.

That’s him. My sweet little guy.

Only eighty days until I get to hold him in my arms and snuggle him up. The time is moving so fast and yet still so slow. Everyone here is anxious for him to be born. My daughter especially. She has so many plans for the two of them. What cartoons she’ll introduce him to. The lessons she wants to teach him. Her heart is filled with so much love for him and they’ve never even met. It’s such a magical, beautiful thing to witness. She kisses my tummy and tells her little brother that she can’t wait to give him hugs. She says she’s waiting patiently for him and that she’ll be here when he decides it’s time to come out.

I love it. It makes my heart melt. At first my husband and I were worried because for so long now she’s been the only one. The only grandchild, the only little one, the only niece. She hasn’t had to “compete” with anyone for love and attention. She got it all. I was concerned that she’d feel left out, abandoned maybe, and I think she did at first. Then I explained to her all the cool things older siblings get to do. My husband, being the oldest, really glamorized the whole thing. Soon after she was team baby all the way. Now she’s counting down the days right along with me. It’s precious.

The other day she asked if she was going to have more brothers and sisters one day. Something my husband and I have discussed but never with her. Our thoughts were that after this little peanut I would not be having any more children. It was a difficult decision to come to but my husband and I agreed that my health and wellness played a huge role in whether more children would be an option. As I get older my risk for complications becomes greater, especially with diabetes on board. Living with this disease doesn’t get easier by any means. I examined the pros and cons of having another baby one day and came to the conclusion that not only could I be potentially putting myself in danger, I’d be putting a little life in danger, too.

I realized that I have so much to be thankful for, why risk losing what I have now. I have spoken with quite a few diabetic mommies who feel the way that I do. It’s nice to know that I am not alone in this decision. Not that I am against someone who wants to have lots of babies. I just know my body. How I re-cooperate. Only I know how this pregnancy has treated me and I am so worn down already. I don’t think I could handle going through another one. Not just physically, but emotionally, too. I lay awake all night stressing about blood sugars, what I ate, or didn’t eat. If he’s growing properly in there. If a complication were to arise would it be my fault? All these things run through my head and it’s draining.

This decision is the main reason why I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and everything it entails. The kicks and barrel rolls, the ultrasounds, even the heartburn. Because it’s going to be my last.

So when my daughter looked up at me with an eagerness to hear my answer I just smiled and said that two was enough for me. She hugged on me real tight and smiled this big grin and said, yeah, two is plenty. Plus, you still have to take care of daddy. :)

For any of you pregnant and diabetic mommies out there..what are your thoughts on this topic?

Mom Truths.

SuperMom

I wouldn’t call myself a pro at being a mom. I have only been at this “job” now for about six years going on seven. I have been incredibly blessed because my oldest has been amazing. She slept through the night as an infant, has always eaten very well, never cried much, is always eager to be a big helper, I mean she is utterly awesome at this. (I of course say all of this without any bias) With a second one on the way, however, I will admit that I am a bit nervous. Well, I’m downright scared. Now I will be responsible for two little people and the kind of humans they will turn out to be. It’s overwhelming.

In this parenting process I don’t claim to know how others feel but I can safely assume that a lot of us are on the same page when it comes to raising our children. We want them to learn, grow, and overall be fantastic, successful individuals. Along the way we question ourselves. Are we doing this right? How should I discipline? Will they hate me when they’re older?

So I thought I would jot down a few of my own personal parenting/mom truths. Please feel free to let me know if you agree/disagree or if I’ve forgotten anything. :)

  • Mom truth number one: I don’t know everything. Yes, I know. I started off with a shocker. Though I claim to know it all..when you sneak out of bed, when you are frightened, when you are apprehensive, when you are doing something you shouldn’t be doing..The real truth is that I actually don’t know everything. I am no where near a super genius and when you ask me about rainbows and how they appear in the sky not only do I rely on past education but I also use my trusty friend Google to aid in my explanations. When you decide to question the real or falseness of dinosaurs, yes, it’s Google that helps me through. I am not ashamed to admit this. In the same insistence do not question my ability to tell when you are lying to me. As a mother I am able to detect, observe, and rationalize quicker. It comes with the job.
  • Mom truth number two: If I could take away every ache, pain, or broken heart. I would. I would consume all of the anger and sadness so that all you are left with are happy thoughts. Is this beneficial to your growth as a person, probably not, but when you are overcome with sadness, feeling sick, afraid, or anything of the sort, it devastates me. I am left feeling helpless and vulnerable right alongside you. All I can do is offer up hugs, love, kisses, and all the advice Google and I can come up with. At the end of the day going through these obstacles in life will make you such a strong person. I would never want to rob you of those life lessons. Just remember that when you hurt, I hurt.
  • Mom truth number three: When it comes to discipline I am not a fan. You might think that in the moment I am a monster. A selfish, evil parent, who just doesn’t get you. The truth is I hate it. I hate having to tell you no, and I hate having to scold you when you do something you shouldn’t do. When you color on the walls I agreed that I wouldn’t stifle your creative genius, but when you colored on the walls with my eyeliner, well, that was a different story. When you try to push buttons and see how much you can get away with I only scold you because if you don’t respect me or any authority figure, well, you’ll end up not respecting yourself. No, you are not allowed to scream and yell at me or anyone for that matter because that is not how we act. Those times I’ve had to put you in the corner were heart breaking but they are teaching you that in life there are consequences whether we like that or not. I hate having to be the bad cop. I’d much rather be the good one who hands out rewards. Sometimes it doesn’t always shake out that way, and honestly, you will understand when you’re older.
  • Mom truth number four: I love, love, love being your best friend. It means the world to me that out of all the countless little friends you’ve made at school at the end of the day you still choose me. I hope that is something that lasts a lifetime. I am your mom/parent first but I would like to maintain a bond with you that nothing could break. I am afraid that when those teenage years come I will no longer be your best buddy. I know how I was as a youngster, and even though I realize those angst-y teen feelings change and you’ll come around again I just want you to know that I will be a little sad. Also know that no matter what, at the beginning and end of each and every day, I will always love you. With all of my heart. Nothing will ever change that. Not anything you say, think, or do. Because for the rest of our lives you will be apart of me. I wish nothing but the best for you. I will always be your biggest fan. I will cheer you on and stand in your corner. I want you to be successful, happy, loved. I want you to reach your full potential and then find a little more to grab onto. My dreams for you are endless. Even at six I am so proud of you and I can not wait to witness the accomplishments in your life. You’re heart is big and your soul is kind. Thank you for blessing my life.
  • Mom truth number five: I know that I can not shield you from everything. I can not tuck you away in a bubble. You will eventually have to make your own decisions and think for yourself. You’ll have to come up with your own ideas on how you want to live your life and I just hope that all of my decisions shape you into a wonderful person. I realize often that I will have to let you be your own person one day. It scares me. All I want to do is protect you. So when I come off as overbearing, or crazy, just know that it is all coming from a good place. I promise.

At the end of the day I am doing my best. A lot of this was aimed towards my little miss but the sentiments are the same for the little guy I am waiting to meet. I only want what’s best for them and I want them to know I will always love them. 

What are your thoughts on parenting? Anything you’d like your kids to know?

What’s new Wednesday?

The sign that sits in my kitchen. :)

 

Happy Wednesday!

Here’s a little update on what’s been going on in my life since I last posted.

  • The insulin shenanigans has been figured out and solved. In fact I finally received it the other day. I was able to breath a sigh of relief and fill a new pod. I am thankful to each and every one of you who offered up insulin from your own supply. For those of you who read and are not insulin dependent, well, it’s like offering me $100 out of your paycheck with no questions asked. Just because you care. Just because you understand the struggle. New pods are on the way, insulin is fully stocked, Dexcom sensors are stocked as well. I am set for the rest of this month and next. Whew.
  • I had a baby appointment the other day. Heartbeat sounds great. Little guy is growing right on track. My blood sugars have been amazing and that slight insulin resistance has subsided with a few tweaks here and there to basal rates. The OBGYN says it is smooth sailing from here on out and that makes me feel so happy and relieved. He’d like to see me make it all the way to 39 weeks with this pregnancy. I am hoping more for 37 weeks. That is when my oldest kiddo came into the world. If he makes his debut when the doctors want then that would put him smack dab on my daughters birthday. I know we are teaching her to share and all that good stuff but let’s be real, would you be all about sharing your day with a sibling? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how everything shakes out but I am still crossing my fingers and toes that he comes just a little early. Appointments are going to be every two weeks now. So the finish line is just around the corner.
  • Work has been getting tough on my poor legs, feet, and back. Even with the compression socks, new shoes, and staying hydrated, I am still a swollen, achy mess. I am counting down the days until maternity leave. My body needs a break.
  • First grade started on the 13th! I am amazed at how fast time flies. I feel like just yesterday I was cradling my baby girl in my arms and now she is helping to pack lunches and waking up with her own little alarm clock. She’s going to be seven this November and sometimes I wish I could rewind time. Not sure if it’s these silly pregnancy emotions or my “normal” ones but first grade is a lot harder then I thought it’d be, for me. She’s gone most of the day now and I just miss her so much. She’s learning so much though. Her excitement when she gets home is breathtaking. She says that she’s learning all she can so that she can be a diabetic doctor one day and help all the diabetics in the world. Her heart is ginormous.

That’s my life in a nutshell right now.

How have you all been? Hope August has been good to you. :)

First grade book

If you have first graders in your life I suggest reading something like this to them. My daughter loved it and was super excited about school.

Tag, you’re it!

 

I just love playing phone tag with pharmacies and doctors offices.

Here’s a little back story for you. I get my insulin through a mail order pharmacy. It ships the insulin to me in bulk so that I am able to get a three month supply for a very good price. This is my second time placing an order through them so I admit I am not as familiar with the process as I am with the normal in store pharmacy. About two and a half weeks ago I got the ball rolling on refilling my prescription because I knew it’d take about a week for paperwork junk and then shipping.

I called to fill the script. I waited for confirmation. Nothing. I called back to see what the hold up was and they said they were waiting on the doctors office to reply back to them. I called the doctors office only to find out that I couldn’t go through my endocrinologist I had to go through the diabetic specialist I am currently with for this pregnancy. Okay, not a problem. I could understand that. So I call to inform my specialist and her office that the mail order company would be contacting them very soon to get a prescription filled for me.  I informed them that I would be completely out of insulin very soon and needed this to get handled promptly. Again I waited for confirmation that everything had gone through. Still, nothing.

I’ll also mention that I had two pods fail in this time period filled with precious insulin. I could only salvage so much.

Cut to yesterday morning, when a very fed up pregnant woman with only enough units to fill one pod, yes the pod I am currently wearing, had a mental break down. I had to make call after call to see what was going on. There had been a snag somewhere in the system and I was determined to figure it out. The problem: my mail order does a paper fax, my specialists office only handles electronic faxes. Apparently they are not connected in any way. So somewhere out in the universe are the requests for my scripts to be filled. (Side note: I realize that at eight in the morning and feeling very defeated I might have been a bit cranky but I don’t think that warrants the snark and rudeness I received from the medical assistant) I mean, how many times do I have to explain that I am out of insulin, my mail order company is waiting to hear from someone who can authorize this prescription, and nothing is getting done. I felt very overwhelmed and just downright lost.

Finally I was able to take a few steps forward. I called the mail order company and gathered all their information so I could give it to the medical assistant who would have my doctor send in the authorization herself. FINALLY. After that was said and done I felt a small victory but nothing worth much because I still have to wait the 2 to 5 days for paperwork processing and then the 1-2 day shipping. So in the end I am still stuck here, waiting, with only my one pod filled with insulin.

Thankfully there is an option. I can head on over to my local Walmart, who doesn’t require a prescription, and I can buy a vial of the generic brand to fill my pods with until my regular stuff comes in at the end of the week. It’s not the best but it’ll do in a pinch. Which I am definitely in. I’ve used this brand before and know how it works for me so it’s alright.

Still an overall frustrating experience. I felt like no one was listening to me. I felt like none of us were communicating very well. And more importantly I felt like no one was truly understanding the severity of the situation. I am a type one diabetic, pregnant, woman who has run out of insulin. I could die. It’s not dramatic, it’s the truth. It’d be a slow, painful, drawn out process but that doesn’t change the end result. I am not asking for a multivitamin, I’m asking for the very thing that keeps me alive. Me AND my unborn child. There are always options, some wonderful, lovely people in the diabetes online community have offered to ship me some of their insulin for the time being. An act of kindness that overwhelms my soul. There is also, as mentioned before, the Walmart brand, or I could fork out a ton of money I don’t have and pay for one vial at the price I would pay for nine. Yes, there are options, I wouldn’t willingly put myself in danger.

It’s just frustrating that I am even having to go through this. It isn’t the first time I have had to fight for an insulin prescription, it wont be the last, and I know so many of you have dealt with these situations before. Why? Why are we not only having to battle this disease on a day to day basis but also having to fight for the medications to keep us alive.

It’s ridiculous.

Have any of you dealt with a situation like this? What was the end result?

 

Bright Life Go: Product Review.

Pregnancy is such a beautiful time in life. There is such magic going on inside my body. I mean I’m growing a tiny little human. I beam every time I feel a kick, a jab, or even a barrel roll. It’s amazing. The not so amazing part this trimester is the swelling. I work about 4 to 8 hours on my feet. There is no sitting or relaxing either. By the time I get home my poor feet/legs are screaming. Now, before pregnancy I dealt with light swelling every once in awhile due to my diabetes. Sometimes when the weather was hot and my blood sugars were a bit out of whack you can bet that my legs would cramp and swell slightly.

It didn’t last long though.

Usually a nice bath, or even a stroll through the neighborhood, would be a nice fix. Right now, in my pregnant state, nothing is working. My husband suggested I look into compression socks. Honestly, I’d never even heard of these things. I assumed he meant those lovely diabetic socks that everyone is always trying to shove down my throat. I’m sorry, I have yet to find comfy, stylish, diabetes socks that help at all. So when my husband started researching these special socks I’ll admit that I scoffed at the idea.

Even if I found some that I, maybe, sort of liked…How expensive would they be?

After loads of complaining and groaning on my twitter account about how miserable I have been, I was contacted by a company called Bright Life Go. They offered me a few products of my choice to test out and I figured I’d give it a shot. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to walk anywhere. I’m either in bed or propped up on the couch with my legs/feet up praying the swelling subsides. I was willing to give anything a try.

Thanks to a very helpful chat with a lovely woman named Brita I picked out my items and waited patiently by the mailbox. I was eager to see if these would really work. The website, Bright Life Go, had so many products I was interested in. What really caught my eye was the maternity section. The brand is labeled Preggers and they had everything from knee high socks to leggings. Yes, that’s exactly what I got.

Knee high dress socks and a pair of leggings.

Because who doesn’t love a spectacular pair of leggings?

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Let me start by saying these compression socks are so incredibly comfortable. Inside the packaging was directions on how to put them on and also some flower seeds to plant which I thought was such an adorable idea. My daughter and I will be planting these this weekend. The first pair shown are the knee high socks. The first time I wore them was to work. I figured if anything was going to show me just how spectacular these were it’d be making it through a shift.

I started the night off swollen but by the time I got home my feet were back to normal. It was amazing. I’ve washed and worn them every day since. No lie. Next I had to try the leggings. Those are featured in the last picture. I liked them a lot. Be warned: the first time wearing them can be a struggle. With my swollen legs and pregnant belly in the way I got quite the workout putting them on. Once I did I was in heaven. You could just feel the relief.

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These come in different colors/styles.

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Leggings come in different colors! I chose black.

I have to admit they have worked just as well as the website boasts. I would recommend these to all pregnant ladies, and even diabetics. After wearing these my legs/feet were like new again. I wear the leggings out and no one even knows they are serving a purpose. If I have to wear these for the rest of my pregnancy I will. The cool part is they are not only stylish, my daughter asked if I could buy her cute tights like mine, but they are also very affordable. Which for me, having a baby on the way, is always a plus. I plan on buying a few more products from this company.

If you struggle with any kind of swelling think about giving these a try.

I loved them.

(Side note: I received these products free of charge to try by Bright Life Go. I was not paid to write this review and all opinions are my very own) 

Friday Feelings.

I have a lot of people ask me why I write, more specifically, why I write about the things that I do. I have written posts about why I feel it’s important to connect with others. Blogging allows me to share my experiences so that anyone looking can find a place they feel accepted and understood.

Diabetes can feel like a lonely road. More than likely you aren’t going to know a lot of people in your every day life who are also living with this disease. For me, I went years before I felt like I wasn’t fighting this battle by myself. It wasn’t until one day I decided to bravely take to the world wide web and start searching for others. I thought, there just has to be someone out there who can relate to my situation. Guess what? There was.

A whole community of people sharing.

My hopes for this blog is that someone will come across the words on these cyber pages and finally feel that relief. The feeling of, yes, someone does get it. Because I can tell you personally, it was a fantastic moment when I realized it. Family and friends are wonderful for support but there is something so amazing about finding people who are actually in the same boat as you. Trying to figure out how to work those darn life vests/tools.

I write because I have a story to tell and even if only one person can relate, understand, or whatever..well, then I am doing my part. It’s not about how many people visit your site, or ad space..no, it’s about making real connections and friendships with people. I am thankful for every person who has stopped by my little neck of the woods.

No matter what though I will continue writing what comes from my heart.

And I hope that if you’re reading this you know that I will always be in your corner. Cheering you on.

Smile, there’s always a reason to.